Family Forum

A Consciousness of God's Presence (September)

Things can either be easy or difficult for you based on the atmosphere you create.

An atmosphere of praise and worship with thanksgiving, exuding joy, will make life so much easier and better. It all starts from the inside. “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine” (Prov.17:22)

Remove stress, anxiety and tension from your life. If you want to constantly have testimonies, stay joyful, sing and make melody in your heart to the Lord.

In this kind of atmosphere, you will feel younger, stronger, healthier, richer and your children will perform better. Hallelujah!

“Blessed is everyone who fears the LORD, Who walks in His ways. When you eat the labour of your hands, you shall be happy, and it shall be well with you. Your wife shall be like a fruitful vine in the very heart of your house, your children like olive plants All around your table. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed who fears the LORD. The LORD bless you out of Zion, And may you see the good of Jerusalem All the days of your life. Yes, may you see your children's children. Peace be upon Israel!” Ps. 128:1-6

Everything a man desires in life is packaged and summarized in these verses of scriptures. It is also loaded with God’s promises for man. This chapter portrays the blessings bestowed on Abraham.

If you can see the vision of your children's children, it means your own life is secured.

What you see is what you will experience.

Your life cannot be bigger than the vision you are living for.

God’s word cannot return unto Him void.

In essence, for these words to come to pass, there is a condition.

The person who will enjoy this package is one who fears God!

It is not possible to fear God and not walk in His ways.

Everything God will do is tied to His word.

To fear God means to live, and walk conscious of His presence.

When your life is in conflict with the doctrine you have been imparted with, there’s no way you will walk in the blessings of God.

Often, when we have a guest or visitor in our home or around us, we are conscious of what we say and how we behave. Father, mother and children will act consciously that there's a visitor around. Even the outlook of the house may change.

All of these adjustments may look like hypocrisy, but there's some good in it. There's a lesson to learn from it. It shows we are still conscious of what is the ideal, the proper way to live.

The adjustments we make when we are expecting a visitor, or when we have a guest, is a pointer to what should be our current state, that is how we should live daily.

If we can make these adjustments because of people, how much more God! We should be much more conscious of God’s presence. When we are conscious of God’s presence, there are things we will never say or do. There are demons that will not be able to manifest when you live conscious of God's presence. Our marriages and homes will flourish.

When your mind is set for upgrading, you will see liftings.

The liftings of God are tied to His commandments.

To upgrade your life, live conscious of God's presence. Conduct yourself like that daily and you will see a massive difference in your life.

“Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God and keep His commandments, For this is man's all”. Eccl. 12:13 NKJV

PRAYER

Lord, teach me Your fear. I live conscious of Your presence

Children

Our children are godly children and they will serve the Lord all the days of their lives. Psalm 22:30

Mothers

Giving birth is very unique to mothers, spiritually and physically.

Lord, bless our homes with mothers with genuine faith. 2 Tim. 1:5

Fathers

O God, bless our homes with fathers that will model Christ to the children. Eph. 6:4

Wives

O God, bless our marriages with wives that respect and are submissive to their husbands. Eph.5:24,33

Husbands

O God, bless our marriages, homes with husbands that love their wives as Christ loves the Church. Eph. 5:23,25,33

Women

O Lord, bless us with women that fear God, women that walk in the resurrection power that receive their dead back to life. Women, in whose hands nothing dies. Prov.31:30, Heb. 11:35

Men

O God, bless our homes/marriages with the kind of man You are looking for. Ezk. 22:30.

Lord, bless us with men who have Christ as their head. 1 Cor. 11:3.

O Lord, bless us with faithful men. Prov. 20:6

God, deliver us from rulers but give us leaders. God ordained leadership and not rulership.

Special Edition For Fathers (August Edition)

A lot of our struggle is embedded in our belief system.  You can father without stress.
To father without stress, there are two fundamental things to take note of;
 
- You must be a godly man. It is not all professing Christian men that are godly. To be a godly man is to be like God. A godly man has a healthy relationship with His Heavenly Father. You cannot be a successful father if you are not Fathered by God Himself-you must be fathered to father. You cannot be divorced and cut off from your Heavenly Father and expect to be a successful father. The most important relationship to you should be with your Heavenly Father. If there’s a crack in your relationship with your Heavenly Father, you are likely to fail. King Solomon failed because, with the fame and affluence he had, his heart strayed away from God.
 
Some reminders
A father is a man. Women are not meant to be a father. The order is, a male becomes a man who becomes a father. By the standard of God, fathering is not for boys but men. “But I want you to know that the head of every man is Christ, the head of woman is man, and the head of Christ is God”. (1 Cor. 11: 3) Any man that Christ is not his head looks like a man but is not a true man. As a man, what you should fear most in your life is the absence of God’s presence. To be a male is by birth but to be a man is by choice. You are not a man because you have biceps or have grown in age; you are a man because you are under Christ. That is God’s standard and definition.
 
You cannot be a true father if your source is wrong. God declared Abraham as His friend because his relation with God was healthy and intact. Also, you have the responsibility of keeping your relationship with God alive. How much you will function as a father is tied to the revelation of God you have as a Father. Your relationship with your Father must be consistent, grow in it, be faithful in keeping your relationship with God. If you are stuck or struggling, stop looking for the faults in others, stop making excuses. Look up, ensure your connection with your father is intact.
 
- Secondly, to father without stress, be a godly husband. To be a godly husband, you have to be able to treat your wife with understanding otherwise your prayer will be hindered. The two relationships you need the most in your life are the relationship with your heavenly Father and the relationship with your wife. What makes you the leader is that you take the initiative to grow and develop your relationship with your Heavenly Father and your wife. The state of these relationships is dependent on you. Often when the children are misbehaving, we blame the mother, but God will hold you the father responsible. Whether a child is good or bad is dependent on the father. If things are not working in these relationships, you are responsible.
 
Life is not about things but relationships. In your pursuit of things, fame, recognition and acceptance don’t lose the relationships that make life.
 
“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. Honor your father and mother, which is the first commandment with promise: that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth. And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord”. (Ephesians 6:1-4)
 
If you still have a mother and father, this scripture apply to you as a parent.
 
- To be a true father, don’t be envious of their relationship with their mother or the honour they give her, you have to earn yours. Teach your children to honour their mother.
 
- Scriptures clearly warns Fathers not to provoke their children to wrath. God holds fathers responsible for the outcome of the children and not the mothers.
 
“...Fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord”. Ephesians 6:4.
 
-   With men, there’s a lot of assumption on their part. Be in the know of what goes on with your wife and children. Don’t assume that all is well with them. Men are usually concerned about their instructions being obeyed, thinking that as long as their instructions are being obeyed, all is well. Don’t live like this. Pause and connect.
 
- A lot of men are not bold to open up to their feelings but this is wrong. Be open about who you are to your children, don’t bottle up things. It takes boldness, humility and wisdom on your part as a father to open up your challenges before your children especially if they’ve gotten to the phase they can understand. Don’t suffer in silence. Don’t cut short your life quickly.
 
“Fathers, do not provoke your children, lest they become discouraged”. Col. 3:21
 
The root of defilement is bitterness. When children are provoked, it produces bitterness and when they become bitter, it produces defilement and when they start manifesting the defilement, it becomes a life that fathers are not pleased with and will begin to wonder who bewitched them.
 
NOTE: Children are very sensitive, they are very observant, so don’t shut them out or underestimate them.
 
Children are provoked;
-  When you are leading them to a God you are not truly serving or modelling before them.
 
 -They are provoked when you are not leading by example. Their spirit revolts against hypocrisy and double standards. Since they like to imitate, they get confused when they don’t see you living out what you are telling them to do.
 
- How you treat their mother also goes to show whether you are provoking them or not.
 
 Children have unusual care and love for their mothers, so you have to be careful about how you treat her. You cannot win them if their mother is not happy. If you are not treating your wife well, you are gradually losing your children.
 
 Honour will come to you when you do what you are supposed to do as a father.
 
- As a father, don’t go demanding honour and respect from them when you are not having a healthy relationship with your Father.
 
- As a father also keep the channel of communication open between you and your children. Be transparent before them
- Be accountable to them if you want them to be accountable. You teach them by modelling what you want them to be.
 
- A father is a leader and a model.  Offer direction, for the family, home, their lives. Don’t let them find it themselves.  Help them make godly wise decisions. Chart a path they can tread in. It builds their confidence. To do this effectively, you have to be prayerful.
 
In a nutshell, you can father without stress; to do so, you must;
 
You must be a godly man and a godly husband. You must not provoke your children to wrath but bring them up in the admonition of the Lord. You must not fail as a father. It is an honour, a God-given responsibility. His grace is sufficient for you to carry out this task without stress.
 
The root of all these is a heart matter and not a money matter. Jesus said “…in the beginning, it was not so…” So anything that was not so in the beginning is a state of the heart. A hardened heart does not necessarily mean a wicked heart but a corrupted heart and different things can corrupt a heart, such as experiences, information etc. God is in search of hearts that are right towards Him.
 
PRAYER
-Psalm 139:23-34
 
-1st Chronicles 4:10. Lord, make me a father indeed.
 
- I surrender to the leadership of Christ.
 
 Fathers are not spiritual dullards; they know the Father.
1 Cor.11:3, 1 John 2:13-14.
 
-1st Peter 3:7. Help me deal with my wife with understanding.
 
-1st Corinthians 15:10, 2nd Corinthians 12:9
Cry, GRACE! Lord, help me.

 

 

Special Edition For Mothers (Pastor (Mrs.) Bibi Courage-Ode (August Edition)

God made and designed women in a special way. Psalms 139:14. As women, He equipped us for the task ahead, for the responsibilities and roles we are meant to carry out. Medically speaking, the female chromosomes are tougher, and can withstand harsher conditions than that of the male.

There is grace for womanhood, and grace for motherhood.  There's grace for all God expects of us. Let's not frustrate the grace of God, but rather, let us maximize and grow in grace.

A mother is one that has brought forth an offspring, a “life giver”. However, motherhood is much more than bringing forth a child. Motherhood is a spirit. It can be received and cultivated. A woman has the ability to multiply whatever is given to her.

- A sperm in her becomes a baby.

- A house turns into a home.

- Raw food can turn into a wonderful meal.

Every woman can cultivate the spirit of motherhood.  You may not have any biological offspring, yet, you can still be a mother. Mothers nurture, protect, provide, train. Mothers are the lifeline of the home, the rallying point, keepers at home. Motherhood is very spiritual, we are gateways, and we are gatekeepers. Motherhood is a high calling, it is ministry.

There are choices you make as a mother that can go down to generations. The atmosphere in the home is largely dependent on the woman. What you do not accommodate in your heart cannot happen in your home. Mothers need to arise just as Deborah rose up. As goes our homes, so goes the society and nation. However, to truly be effective as mothers, we need to “arrange ourselves” first.

We need wisdom, knowledge and understanding to build whatever God has put in our hands, primarily, our homes and children. Prov. 24:3 

You should be able to manage your time as a mother.  Time is life.  If you can't manage time, it will be hard to manage your life. If your relationship with God is not sound, you can’t instruct your children to grow in God as they ought. You are the greatest example they see. They see your faith, fears, reactions and agitations. If you are weak physically as a mother, you can’t do your job effectively. 2 Tim. 1:5, 3:14-15. Faith is in the actions. 

As a mother, make sure the children bond with their father.  Mirror God before them. Our core job as mothers is to train and nurture our children.  

-Give your children attention.

-Hear them out. Let them be able to talk to you. Ensure they communicate freely with you.

-Feed them well, spirit, soul and body. Show them love and affection.

-Train them. “Train up a child in the way he should go, And when he is old he will not depart from it”. Prov. 22:6.

Training connotes to dedicate, set apart for a particular purpose. Training involves “teaching and giving instructions”. You don’t training a child unconsciously. It has to be deliberate. We are to train them in the way they should go. Training involves discipline. Prov. 13:34, 23:13.

Discipline is conditioned behaviour.  It is the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behaviour. It also involves using punishment to correct disobedience.

-Correcting a child can take different shades.

-Don't discipline in anger. Let the child know what he/she is been punished for.

-Instructions can take both formal and informal. Deut. 6: 4-8. Instruct your children in God’s word.

-Train your children in righteousness; train them in the way of God. Train them to know God for themselves, and to love and fear the Lord.

-Teach them respect and honour for elders.

-Train them to be accountable, to learn contentment and integrity.

-Inculcate kingdom values into them. As believers, our major Instrument for training is God's word.

-We also need to war for children in the place of prayers. Fight the good fight of faith, fight to enforce the counsel of God over their lives, fight for their preservation.  Arise and stand in the gap. Lamentations 2:18-19.

In partnership with God, we are the ones to secure them in prayers. Mind what you say around them and to them. (Proverbs 18:21) Say words that build and not words that destroy.

You can’t do these on your own. You have a helper-the Holy Ghost. This generation needs help and we have what it takes to help them. Pray for them.

Our eternal legacy is those lives we are able to present before God, starting with our children. They are the ones we can take into eternity with us. Physical and material things do not have eternal value. Establish traditions in your home. Lift up the banner of the Lord and let the Lord alone be magnified.                   

                                                            PARENTING (June Edition)

Good leaders are not born. They are formed at home by their parents. The God-ordained leadership school is the home.

- Raise your children to know that their only guarantee is and can be found in God.

- Be a caring and loving parent.

- Be a worshipping family-put God before every other thing. Let a functional altar be present in your home. This is more than doing morning devotion.

- Be praying parents -have a functional working relationship with God

- Be responsible parents who know their ministry.

- Let there be true and effective communication in your home. Make the effort to communicate properly in your home. Communication is the life-wire of any relationship.

- Don’t start too late. Start early in instructing them on how to conduct themselves, start early in talking to them on hormonal changes, relationships, sexual matters , etc.

- Be parents of faithfulness and integrity. Keep your word to God and to man.

The training we give our children or did not give them will determine the outcome of their lives. (Prov. 22:6)

As parents, we will be held accountable for the outcome of the lives of our children.

- Be an example-let your life speak what you want them to do and become. Live an exemplary life before them.

- Give definite and specific instructions. Don’t be weak in giving instructions.

- Take time and teach them. Have and create time with your children to talk to them.

- Take time and intercede for them. Pray for them and pray with them.

- Supervise them at different levels. Guide them through the seasons and phases of their lives.

- Prophesy over them when they are not there and when they are there. Pray for them, lay hands on them. As a parent, use any and every opportunity to teach the WORD of God to your children.

Special Session with wives@March edition 

 COMPLEMENTARY ROLES

Marriage is ordained by God. It is an institution that is formed when a man and woman come together as husband and wife- this is the standard as ordained by God in the very beginning. It is between a man and a woman, not between a man and a man or a woman and woman.

Just like the name or title differs, so do their features and roles differ. So, it takes two different people (man and woman) to make a complete and perfect whole. This is the design of God and it is the mystery of marriage.

However, my area of interest or spirit emphasis is based on the discovery I have made over the years through mentoring, observing and counselling couples- which is simply:

THE REASON FOR THE JOINING OR COMING TOGETHER BECOMES THE REASON FOR CONFLICT.

I have seen and observed this over the years in marriages. God, in His wisdom usually brings two opposites together and beyond the general level of man/woman, character, temperament, disposition etc also come into play. Therefore, it takes both parties understanding the purpose and how to truly complement one another to make a perfect match or pair.

It would be very unwise of God to bring two fast people together as husband and wife. He would likely bring a slow person into the life of a very fast person. It could either be male or female. So, the fast person hastens to slow down the fast to bring in a balance. Imagine two talkative becoming a pair, who will listen to the other? I have come to discover by the Spirit that most times the very trait or habit couples complain about each other is the thing they should really pay close attention to cherish and channel properly because their perfection as a team lies there.

However, the balancing act cannot be done by any laid down principle or calculation. But rather, it begins and is done when you know and understand that marriage actually does not involve two persons but three and the third person is the One that can balance things out when allowed to play a role by giving Him His place-that person is no other than the HOLY SPIRIT.

The Encarta Dictionary has this to say about complementary;

1. Completing: completing something else

1. Making whole: making a pair or whole

1. Genetics interdependent: describes genes that are interdependent and produce their effect only when present together.

All this is true between a man and woman God has brought together. I dare say with all authority under God by clear revelation that one glaring evidence or confirmation that God has brought two people together is that they will be the opposite of each other-that is complementary. It is only by the ministry of the HOLY SPIRIT they can make the best of this.

Are you married and have complained about one another, the glaring conflicts because of habits, temperament, disposition, character etc? The displeasure is much. I have good news for you; you may just be the best of couples in your world and generation that is still in its raw state. It is time to invite the HOLY SPIRIT-Yield to Him, ask Him to teach you and lead the way. Make Him the head of the union.

As the glory in your union begins to show forth, don’t keep the testimony to yourself, let’s share in it.

SUSTAINING MARITAL BLISS

The importance of the marriage union cannot be overemphasized. It’s what we must never get tired of hearing all our lifetime because the union is for life. And faith only comes by hearing and hearing the word of God. Remember we can only walk, live and please God by faith (2 Cor. 5:7, Hab. 2:4, Rom.1:17, Heb. 11:6, Rom. 10:17). In other words, the more I hear God’s word on marriage, the more faith I have to walk with God, live and please Him in my marriage.

We must keep giving attention to God’s word on marriage because we see the divine order of progression for marriage expressed in John 2. It should get better and sweeter as it gets older.

So, if I must experience this progression, I must constantly, consistently make deliberate effort to LEARN, DEVELOP, GROW IT with the right INGREDIENTS (Bible, Books etc) and ACTIVITIES. (Prayer, reading, studying, fellowship etc). Prov. 27:17, 13:20, Heb. 10:25.

Don’t assume you know, you must constantly remind and upgrade yourself for the benefit of yourself, your generation and your God-given assignment. All effort, sacrifices to KNOW and GET BETTER is WORTHWHILE. A great man of God once said, “Marriage is a school you never graduate from till death.

It’s important at this point to say marriage is RESPONSIBILITY, SACRIFICE, WORK. And if it will WORK, you must accept RESPONSIBILITY, make the SACRIFICE and do the WORK. One major, fundamental, responsibility, sacrifice and work is SAYING. Yes, SAYING. Remember, the first marriage was established by SAYING and destroyed by SAYING. You started your union by SAYING (proposal), got the response by SAYING, the exchanging of vows was by SAYING. In SAYING, power, life or death is released, vision is birthed or destroyed (Prov.18:20-21, 6:2, Mt.12:37).

The newness, freshness is in the commitment to consistent, repeated SAYING like the saying goes “repetition is the law of deep and lasting impression.”

I must keep fortifying the edges/walls around my union and home by SAYING.

I must keep beautifying, dressing my union with the word of God by SAYING

I must bring forth the purposes and plan of God for my union by SAYING e.t.c

GOLDEN  WORDS like

I LOVE YOU – refreshes, reassures, renews

THANK YOU – show of gratitude to God and one another

I AM SORRY – show of humility, dignity

FORGIVE ME – unlocks favour, wins back

PLEASE – lubricating effect, motivates, compliance out of reluctance

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY – strengthens partnership

And many more WORDS should be said one to another in the UNION. 

THE GARDEN

One of the most controversial issues in church is marriage. In some churches, they are only privileged to hear on marriage either during a seminar or special programmes. For any issue that we must obtain victory in, we must constantly hear God’s word on such.

When God created man in the beginning, He put him in a garden. A garden is a piece of ground devoted to growing flowers, fruits and vegetables. One thing about a garden is that for it to be desirable, it must be well kept. Marriage is however likened to a garden.

A man of God once said marriage is an institution you never graduate from. The garden of marriage does not become beautiful by just wishing. You are likely to think that a marriage will be successful because the man and the woman are perfectly God’s will for each other. The truth, however, is that even this doesn’t guarantee a successful marriage because lazy people don’t succeed in a marriage neither is it for people who are not ready to accept responsibilities. Adam and Eve were not ready to accept responsibility for either their action and that’s why their marriage collapsed.

Some married couple glory in the fact that they have been married for years and have never quarrelled. It obviously means that there is a problem somewhere. Either they are lying or not being real. They should rather say they‘ve not had any issue they couldn’t resolve. From the beginning when God put the man in the garden, He charged him to dress it and keep it. Then God later brought the woman to support and help him. Nevertheless, the instruction was given to the man. The instruction given by God to man to dress and keep the garden is still the same to the man in the garden of marriage today. The dressing and keeping of marriage is the responsibility of the man. In your place as a priest or a prophet and as a head you dress the garden of marriage with your words. While God made the woman to respond to words, He made the man to respond to what he sees. The kind of words you speak to your wife determines what you’ll get out of her. Can you imagine what would have happened if Adam had taught his wife? Definitely, Eve would have given Satan a good answer.

There are times God comes in a rebuking tone. So, also a man, he needs to sometimes speak with a kingly authority and that is exactly what Adam should have done when Eve had the fruit in her hand. Sometimes, the man should also speak words of encouragement. You’ll be amazed how merely saying “I love you” could make a better person out of your wife. There is no responsible woman who gets angry when her husband rebukes her. A lot of women age because words are not released to them. A man shapes his wife by keeping her young and fresh with his words.

Another important thing is that from the beginning, God charged the man with the responsibility of feeding his family. He must provide not just materially or physically but also spiritually. He should be able to give his household a spiritual covering. You should believe God to the point where even if your wife works, it’s because she wants to and not because she has to feed the household. If you accept responsibility and rise up to it, God will release the grace upon you. The reason many men don’t enjoy their wives is that they overstretch them. Think about it, she has to be there for you, for the kids, take care of the home and so on. They could be so stretched until they become spiritually dull.

God designed the woman to be protected. As a man, this is a major part of your responsibility. Also, you should be able to clearly download God’s mind for your family to your wife and children and not just conform to societal standard. One of the problems in marriages is that many don’t stay within boundaries. For instance, when a call for prayer is made for those in need of the fruit of the womb, it is only the woman that responds. Interestingly, it’s the man who needs prayer the most because for every child that was born in the bible, God always went into covenant with the man. God never spoke to Sarah but Abraham. The woman is just a vessel to carry the child. There are two major responsibilities for the woman too. She ought to be an Intercessor and a Counselor. You sure can’t succeed as a Counselor if you‘re failing as an Intercessor. You must give your husband the spiritual, emotional and physical backing he needs. For you to succeed in your responsibilities as a woman, you must first be up and doing as an Intercessor. Every wife is graced to be an Intercessor for her husband. That is the reason you’ve been made the Homemaker. If you fail in the place of intercession, it will reflect in all that you do. Proverbs 14:1, “Every wise woman builds her house but the foolish woman pulls it down with her own hands”. Though decision-making is the responsibility of the man, the woman should be involved in it. For the woman, there are three places you shouldn’t fail.

     i.        You must not fail in God’s presence

    ii.        You must not fail at the table or kitchen

  iii.        You must not fail in bed – lovemaking

Learn to commit yourself to constant self-improvement in these three areas. Be in tune with God always. In marriage, there is no winner or loser. You both win together or lose together. So when issues come up, rather than look for who is wrong and shift blames, try to resolve it amicably. Never excuse responsibility. Believe God and admit when you are wrong than try to make it right. With God, all things are possible.

PARENTS

Greetings in Jesus’ name. It’s very obvious that we are in the last of the last days, and I have a strong witness in my spirit to charge every PARENT, we have a God-given assignment and we must not fail. We must not lose our children to the spirit of this age. We are the ones directly responsible and will be accountable to God for our children. The same God that gave them to us has also given us the grace to PARENT them. We cannot and must not leave or shift that responsibility to the schools, church, media etc. A good school with good staff and facilities cannot make up for you neither will a good church with a good pastor, sound children, teenage teachers and a godly well-packaged curriculum, make up for you. Neither will good books, CDS and programmes make up for you. To rely on these to make up for you is actually giving them away subtly. These may assist and aid their ‘making’ process but you (the PARENT) are the major one and instrument the child needs.

Somehow, the deception presently is that even those who have made up their minds that their children must become whom God designed them to be, responsible, godly, great etc, are actually consciously or unconsciously looking for whom to help them make that happen. The Spirit of God actually told me to call every PARENT to order. No matter what you become in life or achieve, you are a failure if you lose your children to satan, sexual vices, drugs etc. Let all PARENTS arise to their God-given assignment, the first call upon their lives. Thank God for the good “Christian” schools, churches, maids, house helps etc, they can only assist you. We had better wake up to this truth now so that we are not disappointed at the end and our expectations cut off.

Let’s take time to pray for and with our children, talk to and with them, teach them manners, train, and coach them in godliness and the issues of life. Become the model before them by modelling Christ for them and not pop stars, teachers, television etc.

“And these words which I command thee this day shall be in thine heart.

And thou shalt teach them diligently unto thy children and shalt talk of them when thou sittest in thine house, and when thou walkest by the way, and when thou liest down, and when thou risest up

And thou shalt bind them for a sign upon thine hand, and they shall be as frontlets between thine eyes

And thou shalt write them upon the posts of thy house and on thy gates.” Deuteronomy 6:6-8

You and I can see this is a very tall order and we must not fail for any reason. Here is my counsel: it’s time for us all to begin to learn PARENTING and we need to take this course seriously because it’s for life. You are a parent as long as you have children and you remain alive, you will even move on to become a GRAND PARENT and GREAT GRAND PARENT.

May you and I not betray the trust God has in us by blessing us with children in Jesus’ name.

“Lo, children are a heritage of the Lord and the fruit of the womb is his reward.” Psalm 127:3

To him that has ears; let him hear what the Spirit of God saith expressly to PARENTS.

LOOKING THROUGH THE SAME WINDOW

“And as the ark of the LORD came into the city of David, Michal Saul’s daughter looked through a window and saw King David leaping and dancing before the Lord, and she despised him in her heart.” 2 Sam 6:16

She looked through A WINDOW and what she saw made her to despise her husband the King who was dancing. Obviously she couldn’t see what was making her husband dance. So they must have looked through different windows. The window you look through determines what you will see, and your judgement or response will be determined by what you have seen. It is obvious

David danced because he looked through the window of the covenant. As a result, he saw a reason to dance. Michal must have looked through the window of societal status and saw why the King shouldn’t dance. And remember she became the only woman in scripture who was barren all her life.

I strongly believe it wasn’t her fault. By God’s standard, David had the responsibility as the head of the union to have made her look through the same window he was looking through. There could be several other windows such as WINDOWS of culture, environment, tradition, experiences etc.

The important thing is for as long as there is no unity there can’t be progress and peace. United we stand, divided we fall. So, just make sure (it’s a collective effort) that you are LOOKING THROUGH THE SAME WINDOW at all times on every issue. But more importantly, there is only one window through which you can see LIFE, LIGHT, PEACE, FRUITFULNESS, EVERYTHING GOOD and TRUE. That’s the WINDOW OF THE WORD.

On every matter and at all times, if you must win and keep winning, both must be sure they can see through the SAME WINDOW and that WINDOW must be the WORD of GOD. Every other window is A, the window of the WORD is THE. Never look through A window but THE window.

THE TWO LEGS

“And if ye be Christ’s then are ye Abraham’s seed and heirs according to the promise”. Gal 3:29

This scripture clearly traces the root of anyone in Christ Jesus to Abraham. So if I really want to be rooted or understand my root, which could also mean foundation, it’s found and traceable in Abraham. If you are still in doubt of this, then I give you another witness.

“Hearken to me ye that follow after righteousness, ye that seek the LORD, look unto the rock whence ye are hewn, and to the hole of the pit whence ye are digged.

Look unto Abraham your father and unto Sarah that bore you, for I called him alone, and blessed him and increased him”. Is.51:1-2

This witness clearly tells us that our root is Abraham and we are instructed to look to him as an example. Now, when the all wise One refers you to somebody, wisdom demands that you take heed to such a counsel. And in taking heed to the counsel, I want to study Abraham.

I made this striking discovery:

LEG 1 – “But thou Israel, art my servant, Jacob whom I have chosen, the seed of Abraham my friend”. Is. 41:8

Abraham had such intimacy with God that God called him His friend.

LEG 2 – “And the LORD said, shall I hide from Abraham that thing which I do,

Seeing that Abraham shall surely become a great and mighty nation, and all the nations of the earth shall be blessed in him?

For I know him, that he will command his children and his household after him, and they shall keep the way of the LORD, to do justice and judgment, that the LORD may bring upon Abraham that which he hath spoken of him”. Genesis 18:17-19

Here God is not only acknowledging their intimacy for being the reason He can’t hide anything from him, but more God is saying the reason he will be great is because of his HOMELIFE. God and government were in the home of Abraham.

Here is the link and connection. God spoke clearly to my heart that the way a man has two legs to stand, so also our LIVES must stand on two legs to be GREAT, SUCCESSFUL and FULFILLED. And those two legs are simply:

-YOUR PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

-YOUR HOMELIFE

Please note and be clear about this, every other factor or reason for true greatness, success or fulfillment is simply founded on these two. Once your LIFE is standing on these two, then the end and future is sure and that is:

GREATNESS

SUCCESS

FULFILLMENT

God Himself pointed to Abraham our root as an example we should look to and study. And in him, from him we can make these findings. On these two legs, my father, your father Abraham went up, became great and fulfilled. See how his end was described.

“And Abraham was old, and well stricken in age and the Lord had blessed Abraham in all things”. Genesis 24:1

As you and I make up our minds to make deliberate and conscious effort to stand on these two legs, may our end have the same description like our father Abraham in Jesus’ name.

My questions

-      What’s your personal relationship with God like- in the past, now?

-      How is your HOMELIFE? Whose government governs your home?

-      Are you standing or not? How many legs are you standing on?

-      How strong are your legs?

BONDING WITH YOUR CHILDREN

Anyone who enjoys his children has invested in them. When you do not invest in your children you do not live to eat of their good. Children bring either joy or sorrow. There are parents today, who have wept over their children; but they were the instruments the devil used to degenerate them. The greatest instrument in the hand of God or the devil, for your child is you. It is not the Pastor or the teacher in the school. It is simply the function of whom you yield to. As parents, you must understand that you are the most effective tool in God’s hands to raise your child the right way. When you refuse to be a tool in God’s hand, it automatically means you are a tool in the hands of the devil.

“Train up a child in the way that he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.”  Prov 22:6

To train the child, you must know the way, and there cannot be an effective training without bonding. You cannot truly train a child in a way, until you are united with the child.

Training involves carrying along. Two cannot walk together except they agree. Training involves agreement. You cannot train somebody who is not in agreement with you. It does not matter how small the child is, he is an entity on his own. He has a will of his own, he is a personality. The only difference is that you are more matured. Both the father and the mother have a responsibility to bond with the child respectively.

“The rod and reproof gives wisdom: but a child left to himself bringeth his mother to shame.” Prov 29:15

Parents bear the brunt of neglecting and indulging the child. When they refuse to bond with the child, the child becomes ill bred and ungroomed.

“The father of the righteous shall greatly rejoice: and he that begetteth a wise child shall have joy of him. Thy father and mother shall be glad, and she that bear thee shall be glad.” Prov 23: 24,25

A good child brings joy not only to the parents but also to the society. Our society today is ridden with various social vices because some parents have failed in their responsibility to raise their children aright.

Prostitution is on the increase, crime wave soars, and funds and home mismanagement top the chart. These are all products of the irresponsibility of some parents.

That you feed your children three times a day does not make you responsible. Bonding is beyond providing the basic needs of food and clothing for the child.

 How Do You Bond?

1. You must make a decision to study them

When you study a person, you discover what kind of approach to apply in relating with the person. When you study your children, you don’t study them as a group; you study them individually. You study their strengths, their weaknesses; you study their likes and dislikes. You study their perception of things. As a child begins to grow, you can see his strengths and weaknesses. These discoveries will help you know how to handle a child a great deal. You must therefore make a decision to study your children individually and phase by phase. What you know about your child between the age of 0 and 1 cannot be used to access the child between the age of 1 and 5; otherwise, you will get into problems. Find out what changes are evolving in them physically, psychologically and spiritually. How they are adapting to their environment and the inherent challenges, how they are responding or reacting to the dynamics of their growth and development. These and others should be what answers to look out for in studying your children.

2. You must understand them

Every child is unique. As a parent, you must understand the uniqueness of the child. You must discover how the child learns. Your teaching pattern must conform to how the child learns. Knowing how the child learns is a function of studying him and cooperating with the Holy Spirit in helping you to understand him. Some children learn by examples. Some learn by being scolded (sometimes the hard way). Some others learn simply by instruction. You must understand these variances. In understanding the child, you must understand what particular phase of growth he is in per time. This is the growth dynamics.

Every phase of growth in the child comes with changes. Change in desire, change in appetite, change in emotion, change in physical features etc. All these have their peculiar implication on the child, the neighbourhood or environment and you the parent. Understanding the child’s growth dynamics will help you relate and bond better with the child.

3. You must give them attention

If you deny them attention, someone else will give them attention. They need your spiritual, physical and material attention. Be concerned and sensitive to them.

4. Be there for them

Be close to them, make yourself accessible to them. If the father is close to the daughter, she wouldn’t go out in search of a boyfriend, likewise the son won’t mess around with girls if the mother is close to him. Even when such developments occur, they find confidence in discussing with you, which gives you the opportunity to guide them aright. Find time to answer their questions. Position yourself by way of communication, attitude and by way of approach, to make yourself accessible to your children. If you are not there for them, the wrong person will be there, to give wrong counsel. Many children are withdrawn because their parents are inaccessible. The children will not open up above the level they know you will be there for them.

5. You must respect them

This is where many parents have failed. Your children deserve a degree of respect. Respect their desires, their ideas, their persuasions, their likes and dislikes, etc. When you discipline them or instruct them, let them appreciate why. Explain to them. They deserve the explanation. When you are wrong, don’t try to cover up, admit your fault. It takes a whole lot of humility to respect them. Don’t try to prove infallible to them. Learn to carry them along with every development in the home. If you won’t humble yourself to respect them, you will lose their respect. Acknowledge their age and their growth.

For example, a mother taking a thirteen-year-old boy to the shop to get sandals for him without finding out if he likes it or not. Such an attitude demonstrates that he is not respected. He is grown up enough to know what he wants. The best the mother could do is to honestly make known what she can afford and leave him to decide.

Another example is a father insisting that his child should take up a particular course of study in the university against the child’s will. This is very absurd. Some fathers even effect the redeployment of their children from their original place of posting for youth service without their prior knowledge. A father who respects the child should seek his opinion, know what his preference is. Where opinions differ, a consensus should be reached.

6. Be a true model to them

Every child needs a model to grow up. Do not allow just anyone be the model for which they will grow up, be the model. Ensure you are a proper example for them to look at, as a man and as a woman.

One of the things parents should not do in the presence of their children is to disagree. No matter what, they should not shout at themselves or abuse themselves before their children.

The mother must be very careful with her expression, utterance and action; especially when the man tends to be irresponsible.

This is because most times, the children are more sensitive to their mother’s reactions. The father must be cautious of the fact that how he handles challenges, tensions, unpleasant times and situations are examples for the children to learn from.

7. Communicate constantly with them

At every stage there is a way to communicate with the child. We may not have had the opportunity of being brought up, under a healthy setting, where our parents communicate with us, but we must learn the art. What makes us better parents is when we improve on what we met. Communication involves listening, understanding and talking. You must be a good listener, take the matter to heart and talk back.

Whoever gives children a listening ear automatically wins their hearts. The parent has the responsibility to let the child know that any issue, however serious or mild, can be discussed.

8. Balanced Affection

It is very important for the father and mother to make conscious efforts to show the same affection toward their children. Where there is disparity or favouritism and any of the children notices, the child is likely to develop resentment for the parent(s) and even for his or her sibling(s) who the parent(s) accord greater attention.

Naturally speaking, it is almost impossible not to develop special affection for a particular child because of how the child relates to you as a parent. In the Scriptures, the case of Jacob towards Joseph and Isaac towards Esau and Rebecca towards Jacob are examples. However, it should be noted that such special streamlined affinities and attachment, by no means help the unity of the family. It rather fuels disunity, resentment, disaffection and conspiracy.

This is why every responsible parent should be discreet in dealing with his or her children. Rather than being especially affectionate toward a particular child, trust God for grace to help you understand the uniqueness of each child and locate the qualities that will increase your affection toward them. No matter how naughty a child may appear to be, if you choose to see well, you’ll still discover some good traits in him.

SUSTAINING MARITAL BLISS

The importance of the marriage union cannot be overemphasized. It’s what we must never get tired of hearing all our lifetime because the union is for life. And faith only comes by hearing and hearing the word of God. Remember we can only walk, live and please God by faith (2 Cor. 5:7, Hab. 2:4, Rom.1:17, Heb. 11:6, Rom. 10:17). In other words, the more I hear God’s word on marriage, the more faith I have to walk with God, live and please Him in my marriage.

We must keep giving attention to God’s word on marriage because we see the divine order of progression for marriage expressed in John 2. It should get better and sweeter as it gets older.

So, if I must experience this progression, I must constantly, consistently make deliberate effort to LEARN, DEVELOP, GROW IT with the right INGREDIENTS (Bible, Books etc) and ACTIVITIES. (Prayer, reading, studying, fellowship etc). Prov. 27:17, 13:20, Heb. 10:25.

Don’t assume you know, you must constantly remind and upgrade yourself for the benefit of yourself, your generation and your God-given assignment. All effort, sacrifices to KNOW and GET BETTER is WORTHWHILE. A great man of God once said, “Marriage is a school you never graduate from till death.

It’s important at this point to say marriage is RESPONSIBILITY, SACRIFICE, WORK. And if it will WORK, you must accept RESPONSIBILITY, make the SACRIFICE and do the WORK. One major, fundamental, responsibility, sacrifice and work is SAYING. Yes, SAYING. Remember, the first marriage was established by SAYING and destroyed by SAYING. You started your union by SAYING (proposal), got the response by SAYING, the exchanging of vows was by SAYING. In SAYING, power, life or death is released, vision is birthed or destroyed (Prov.18:20-21, 6:2, Mt.12:37).

The newness, freshness is in the commitment to consistent, repeated SAYING like the saying goes “repetition is the law of deep and lasting impression.”

I must keep fortifying the edges/walls around my union and home by SAYING.

I must keep beautifying, dressing my union with the word of God by SAYING

I must bring forth the purposes and plan of God for my union by SAYING e.t.c

GOLDEN  WORDS like

I LOVE YOU – refreshes, reassures, renews

THANK YOU – show of gratitude to God and one another

I AM SORRY – show of humility, dignity

FORGIVE ME – unlocks favour, wins back

PLEASE – lubricating effect, motivates, compliance out of reluctance

WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY – strengthens partnership

And many more WORDS should be said one to another in the UNION.

LOOSENING THE NUTS

The engine of a vehicle is held together by several nuts of various sizes. And one of the most dangerous things that could happen to a car owner is for these nuts to be loosened for any reason and he’s unaware and decides to embark on a journey.

If the engine is in good condition but the nuts that hold the engine together in the vehicle are loosened, the several possible outcomes are unimaginable, or picture the nuts that hold the tyre to the rim being loosened and embarking on a journey. I am sure your guess is as good as mine.

In the same light, you must understand that your marriage has an engine (you love yourselves), but there are nuts that hold your engine in the vehicle (marriage). For there not to be disaster, casualty and unpleasant surprises, you must constantly make sure that these NUTS are properly screwed.

NUTS such as COMMUNICATION, REGARD FOR ONE ANOTHER, TIME TOGETHER, VALUE SYSTEM, THINKING PATTERN and PERSPECTIVE. Just like in a vehicle, no matter how sound these nuts are, they must be checked from time to time to avoid casualties. In the same way, the nuts that hold the engine of your marriage must be checked from time to time to avoid casualty.

The screws that could easily loosen these nuts can be found in the company you keep, the places you spend your time or leisure, those you take counsel from, the materials you read, what you choose to believe in, practices you are committed to etc. In all, be sure at all times that rather than loosening, you are tightening your

NUTS.

MAKE YOUR HOME A CHURCH

A man’s true spirituality is measured in the home front. Some of the things we are suffering in the nation is a reflection of what is going on in our homes. Everything starts and ends in the home. Scriptures cannot be broken. Train up a child in the way he should go, when he’s old, he’ll not depart from it. Your true commitment to God is measured by your lifestyle at home because at home you are naked. Outside of the home, we dress for the occasion.

In Isaiah, God went to Hezekiah and told him to set his house in order because he was going to die, rather than heed to God’s instruction, he asked for long life, but we have to be careful not to ask for prolonged days because if God answers our prayer, we may end up wasting it. Long before God ever comes to you, put your house in order. Desist from any attitude or action you are not proud of. What you cannot practice in the home, you have not mastered.

Read Judges 6:11-15.

Looking at these scriptures, Gideon stood before God and he traced his history from the standpoint of his family. God doesn’t just count numbers but families. The home had no distortion until satan stepped in. You do not really know any man until you know him to his house. When people are traced to your home, what will they find? Light or darkness, truth or deceit? It is whatever you’ve put in place that will be found. The first point of the invasion of satan was the home (garden of Eden), so also, the first place Jesus did His first miracle was the home (Cana of Galilee). If we want to see the heart of God in our homes, then we must begin to x-ray our homes to see what we are using to build it. God does not measure your greatness by your qualification, status but by the success of your home.

God testified of Abraham knowing that he would command his home after God. It was the reason God called him His friend and had to intimate Abraham about His intention to destroy Sodom and Gomorrah. (Genesis 18:17-18) Your home should be an extension of the kingdom of God on the earth. There is a lifestyle that makes God begin to confide in you. God even uses the home as the prerequisite for placing men in positions of leadership. (1Timothy 3:1-13) As parents, we are in a position of honour. Lives and destinies have been committed to us. You have no clue to whatever a child or person will become, you only know what God has shown you.

How important is your home?

What they saw happening in the church was a template for them to take home and implement. (Acts 2:46, 5:42) If your home is different from God’s ideal as it pertains to the pattern, structure, then there’s a problem. If your home is not patterned as a church, you will not see God.

The church was numbered by families. No home, no church. Acts 8:1. The strength of the church is in the homes. Make your home impenetrable for satan. Give him no foothold.

Some values to uphold

- Make your home a church. For this to be so, the family altar must be kept alive and sustained. It must not be compromised for anything

- Be deliberate in building family cultures and values that will stand the test of time. You are the first and major beneficiary of whatever you put in place.  E.g. build the value that has respect and regard for God by our lifestyle. Let your children know that a good name is better than great riches. (Prov. 22:1) Let them know all that truly matters is God. Let them learn to give everyone their respect and show respect, have respect for one another.

There’s respect for a wife/mother, husband/father/children deserves. There’s respect also for gender (male/female), life, age, respect also for grace/office/position of authority, godliness/good name/character, integrity etc. not material things. These must be in our homes for there to be a free flow of God of God’s presence. The things you are celebrating and approving today are the things your children will celebrate and approve.

Prayer

- Lord, I ask and I receive the divine order and pattern for my home. Hebrews 8:5

- Lord, I receive the visions of God for my home. Ezek. 1:1

- Lord, build my home, watch over my home. I hand over my home to You

- Lord, I believe for the salvation of everyone that will pass through my home. Acts 16:30-31

KEYS TO VICTORIOUS HOME LIFE

“A man's stomach shall be satisfied from the fruit of his mouth, From the produce of his lips, he shall be filled. 2 Peter 3:1-2 

"Death and life are in the power of the tongue, And those who love it will eat its fruit”. Proverbs 18:20-21

What shapes or destroys one’s life is the tongue. Refusal to speak or keep quiet is to your detriment.  *Not to be deliberate in speaking life is to settle for death*. There is nothing more authentic than the scriptures. 

There are statements peculiar to those under cultural, tribal and environmental strongholds.  As parents, we are the real leaders. Our homes make up the society.  If the homes are corrupt, then society will be corrupt. We must be mindful of our words. Let us not put limitations on our children, the upcoming generation by our words. Your location or financial status is not the problem. The outcome of your life is a product of what proceeds out of your mouth. 

Apostle Peter admonishes believers to be of one mind. Strife, bitterness, contentions can subtly exist in the home among spouses. It very easy for there not to be oneness of mind in a home/marriage. 

The scripture went on to say we should have compassion one toward another, we should love as brethren, be tenderhearted, be courteous, etc. 2 Peter 2:1-7, 8- in other words, someone who speaks evil should refrain from doing so, refrain your tongue from speaking just anything from your lips if you love life and want to see good days.  He that has no control over his tongue has no control over his life.

The greatest arena where you see the manifestations of evil is in the home. God turns His face against those who do evil. The real test of who you are and your level of maturity is in the home. 

- LEARN TO FORGIVE. Learn it, practice it. The only person that can be forgiven is one who forgives. Where there is no forgiveness, you give room for strife.  And where there's strife, there is confusion and every evil work. James 3:16.

Never create a conducive atmosphere for satan to invade your home. There will be contentions in a home where there is no forgiveness. One glaring evidence of growth is that there will be sacrifices made per time. Where there is no forgiveness, there will be oppression. It can be children to parents, husbands to wives, wives to husbands etc. if you had a child out of wedlock, stop hiding it.  Let your wife/husband know. Seek peace; stop making comments that divide your home. There is no half-brother, half-sister in a home. Our home life will not prosper if we don’t learn to forgive. Stop every manipulation and oppression in your home. When you are truly forgiving, it shows in the actions and steps you take. The fact that you are forgiven doesn’t mean you were right. It’s simply a choice. One’s wrong shouldn’t make another person wrong. Say no to tit for tat. Stop reacting, start acting. Anytime you are unforgiving, you are in prison. There is no issue that is irresolvable. Two wrongs cannot make a right. Don’t give back what you were given. This doesn’t mean you should not address issues or sweep issues under the carpet. A proof of maturity is the ability to forgive.

- BE OPEN AND HAVE THE RIGHT ATTITUDE TO CORRECTION AND LEARNING. 

You can’t afford to be static because these times are moving fast. For you to matter in these times, you must be open and have the right attitude to learn. The higher you go, the more you need to learn.  One challenge of these days is that people who refuse to learn are trying to lead and want to teach others. If there is any place people despise correction the most, it is in the home and marriage relationship. Many men die before their time because their wives are fools in their eyes, and they refuse to take counsel from them. The same goes for the women.  God is not unjust or wicked. He will not keep what you need far from you.  

When you think you know too much, you are left alone. The fact that you are corrected doesn’t mean you are useless. The truth is, as we are getting older, the tendency to refuse to be corrected or learn is there, but there are still many things to learn. Every time you add to what you know, you are better off. You cannot give what you do not have. It is only a successful follower that can be a successful leader. 

(See Titus 2, the older women were admonished to teach the younger women etc). There are things you can’t pass down if you have not learnt them. Contentment is not taught but learnt. 

Men, to earn respect, take the lead spiritually in the home. Many of the things we are suffering is because we refuse to regard one another. As husband and wife, correct and learn from each other. There is so much to learn one from another. If you stop learning, you will lose relevance. Refusal to make corrections or to learn is a refusal to make adjustments, because there will always be a need to make adjustments. What it means to love is to find out what the other loves and give or do it.

- EXERCISE TO STAY FIT, HEALTHY, AWAKE AND ALERT. This exercise is in three dimensions. In order to hold and man your place, you must stay fit, spiritually, mentally and physically. Stay healthy for your family, yourself and your generation. It was while men slept the enemy came. If your garden will not be invaded, you have to be alert and awake.

Spiritual exercise- Pray constantly in the Spirit and walk in love-Jude 20. Don’t be casual about prayer. (See Acts 24:16, always do a heart search as a form of spiritual exercise), coming to church regularly is part of the spiritual exercises-3 Jn. 2. Giving yourself to spiritual exercises will not kill you but make you stronger.

Mental exercise- Give yourself to reading, listen to the news, listen to audio messages, study the bible, engage in meaningful discussions, develop your mind. And be humble to say you don’t know, and then make plans to learn in order to know.

- Physical exercise- (See Luke 2:51-52). Find the exercise that is peculiar to you by the help of the Holy Ghost. When you are getting older, start advising yourself-don’t eat late, don’t eat heavy meals, let everything be done with moderation. Be deliberate to just exercise, find out what works for you and keep at it. Although our trust should not be in the physical exercises alone, it has its place according to the scriptures-(1 Tim. 4: 6-11)

Stay awake and alert so your garden will not be invaded.

SEX- God’s design

Sex is God’s design and sex is the highest level of intimacy between married couples. God has given sex to us as a means of glorifying Him as we fulfill its design for intimacy, comfort, physical pleasure and procreation.  It is a fulfillment of God's created order in marriage between a husband (man) and wife (woman). Sex has the ability to enhance a couple’s marriage.
 THE SEXOMETER Of a couple
Twice a day – Typical of a very, very happy relationship
Daily --- Typical of a very happy marriage
Every other day --- typical of harmonious marriage especially in working couples
Once a week – typical of marriage experiencing the pressures of life
Twice a month ---- typical of disharmonious marriage
Once a month ---typical of a marriage in which the couple is not interested in each other
Once two-three month --- typical of a marriage in serious disharmony
Once every six month--- typical of couple in separation and breakdown                                                                                                                                                        
Sex does not just happen. It is the climax of lovemaking. Sex is a physical activity that involves the spirit, soul and body and has strong spiritual implications. Sex within boundaries is worship unto God and outside of boundaries is worship unto satan.
It is impossible to have a genuine, walking relationship with God and not have a healthy sex life with one’s spouse. And it is only permitted within marriage between a man and a woman.
Sex is to be enjoyed not endured. Just as work was ordained to make life interesting, so sex was ordained to be enjoyed. The most powerful sex organ is the mind.

Three things God frowns at concerning sex
-     Sexual perversion – Rom. 1:18-21, Gen. 19
-     When you deny your spouse sex. 1 Cor. 7:1-5.        You have a responsibility to satisfy your spouse sexually.
-     Sexual immorality. 1 Cor. 10:1-8

What’s the mentality to make it sweet?
It starts with having the right mindset. When the mindset is right towards sex, each of them would want to put the needs of the other before self, to seeing that he/she is satisfied first. “…It is more blessed to give than to receive” Acts 20:35. The first reason for sex was not for procreation but for pleasure and enjoyment-1 Cor. 7:32-34. When you are married, you are not just out to please the Lord alone but your spouse also.

Additional tips
-     The man responds to what he sees, the woman responds to what she hears
-     Pay attention to the emotional differences of a man and a woman. E.g. Adam and Eve-Genesis 2:22-23
-     Talk together openly
-     The best way to get better at anything is to keep doing it and to keep talking about it.

Some aids to help you have a healthy sex life
-      Have a clean environment
-     Take a bath
-     Brush your teeth
-     Dab a little perfume (optional) etc.
God ordained sex and one of the ways to have a healthy marriage is to have a healthy sex life

 

Home Life – In The Light Of God’s Original Plan. Part 6

The reason we are going through these series is so that the quality of our lives should and must improve.

When Ephesians 6:1 talked about honouring one’s parents, it didn’t mean that it was to be one’s own biological parents- if you are married, the parents of your spouse are your parents also. There’s to be no demarcation. Honouring them is not tied to the kind of parents they are, what they have or where they reside. The bible says to simply honour them and honour should be accorded them.

Note: There are many issues that will be tackled and handled if husbands and wives learn to listen to each other.

There are times and seasons in a man’s life that’s not according to man’s expectation but God’s and in the light of this statement. Let’s peruse a few things to learn from and apply to our lives.

- 2 Cor. 10:12 says “For we dare not make ourselves of the number, or compare ourselves with some that commend themselves: but they measuring themselves by themselves, and comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise”. First off, you do not have a mate, No two persons are the same. Of course, there’s a place to challenge one another’s faith.

Always be around people who will stir you up but don’t compete. See also Proverbs 13:20.

- Don’t borrow to create the impression that you are also “happening”. Be your best with whatever you have. Godliness with contentment is great gain.

- Live within your means but grow your means. God is a God of increase; it is His will that we prosper. Avoid that mindset that always wants to be the best, largest, fastest etc. There must be a progression. The problem, however, is where to start- the progression must be from the inside out, from the Spirit to the physical. 3 John 2 says “Beloved, I wish above all things that thou mayest prosper and be in health, even as thy soul prospereth”. If your inside is not built, it will crush whatever is on the outside. Do not measure your progress by whatever is happening in the physical. 2 Corinthians 3:18 “But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed into the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord”.

Note: Not to be fruitful is actually against God.

When your body is more fruitful than your mind, you will be poor.

If we must make progress, there are some things we have to outgrow and some things to grow into and this has to do with our attitude. What is attitude?

1. A personal view of something, an opinion or general feeling of something

2. A complex mental state involving beliefs, feelings, values and dispositions to act in certain ways.

Note: nothing will change until our attitude changes

Checklist concerning our attitude

1. Your attitude to God. In order to make progress, you need to adjust your attitude towards God. If everything in your life doesn’t start with God, then everything about you is wrong and will be wrong. God should not be our last resort. The kind of homes many people live usually brings God in only when it is convenient. A lot of people who feel they are “busy” think that it is only those who are idle that have time for God, serve God and are committed to Him. Pharaoh said as such when Moses approached him to let God’s people go-“And the tale of the bricks, which they did make heretofore, ye shall lay upon them; ye shall not diminish ought thereof: for they be idle; therefore they cry, saying, Let us go and sacrifice to our God”. Exodus 5:8. Sometimes, we have to watch out so that the blessings of God upon our lives will not become a hindrance to our serving God e.g.King Uzziah followed God when he started out but afterwards, his heart left God and began to pursue other things.

2.Your attitude to life. Life does not just start and end in the physical. Life is more than having food and clothes. Life is essentially spiritual. How you treat life is how your life will become. The pattern is God, home, work etc. it is not the other way round.

3. Attitude to people. Selfish and self-centred people cannot make progress. Learn to love, respect and regard people. Learn to be humble. Don’t love people because of what they have, when you do this, you will not make progress and you won’t have. Stop sizing up people to respect them. Don’t respect people for what you can gain. Choose the way of humility.

4. Attitude to time. How you use time shows how you are treating life. Our priorities are usually misplaced most of the times. Apportion time to everything in your life and your life will be increasing and appreciating. If you don’t have respect for time, it shows you have no respect for life. Respect the time for everything you are involved in. when you use time wrongly, many things in your life will suffer.

To be continued.

 

Home Life – In The Light Of God’s Original Plan. Part 5

Resolving Issues (Continued)

“One mistake fathers and even those in authorities make is that knowing the bible does not come with age”. It comes with time invested in it. This is important because as fathers and those in authority, you must be ahead of those you are leading because they are also growing and for your leadership to be effective and relevant, you have to be ahead of them all round. The father must know the bible, spend time with it reading and studying it, and having constant fellowship with the Father (God) in word and prayers.

In Galatians 6:1, Pastor Courage mentioned that anybody’s flaw or fault is also a temptation for us. Whenever we have to help people who have fallen or had some kind of challenge, defect, and character flaw etc, our restoring such a person should be done with meekness and not with the feeling of superiority. Many times, the same things we revolt against in our parents, we become victims of it and make a worse mistake and a greater one than they did.  This is because; we didn’t treat whatever it was with meekness and possibly empathy. If we don’t want to be a worse version of what we condemn in others, we must be careful how we handle issues. Of course, we are not to accommodate or condone evil but we must respond with the right Spirit and attitude. 

In 1 Timothy 5:1-3, 17-19, we see that God has set certain parameters clearly that we must follow when it comes to dealing with certain people and these are the things we should be conscious of and carry out studies on them e.g, the elder (not necessarily a function of age), the widow indeed, those that labour in the word and prayers and parents (Ephesians 6:1-3)

In speaking to children, God’s injunction is that they are to obey their parents because it comes with the promise of living long on the earth. However; they outgrow obedience to their parents when they are no longer under their roof. Still, they are not meant to obey their parents when they are steered in the wrong direction to do evil. As long as children are under their parents' roof, they pay their bills, they owe them obedience. You are not doing your parents a favour by obeying them, you are the beneficiary. But when they leave, they owe them honour and you keep growing in honour to them. There are children who have left their parents but are still obedient to them, deferring to them in the matters that go in your homes. Some of these kinds of children are even closer to their biological siblings more than their spouse-this is very wrong, no one should be more closer to you than your spouse.

The kind of parents you have, the kind of house they live in is not the determinant to how you treat them. Make out time for them when you go visiting, talk to them, listen to them and teach your children to do likewise. The best time to honour someone is when they are alive. When it comes to seeing to their needs, do so within your God-given capacity. Always do what is right under God, do what you can do at your phase. It is he that is faithful in little that will be faithful in much.

The test of true love is first tested in the home and in the church. In Mark 6:1-5, Jesus was despised by His own people and couldn’t do much in their midst. The reason is because of familiarity. It is for this same reason that much cannot happen in our homes and in our churches. At all times, we always have to be at our best. The authority you despise cannot work for you- “Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that is unprofitable for you”. Hebrews 13:17. The more we start becoming familiar with ourselves, the more we take each other for granted and the more we begin to lose values for the things that matter.

To be continued…

Home Life– In the Light Of God’s Original Plan. Part 4

· Any issue you have with men, especially in the home is simply showing the issues you have in your relationship with Jesus.

·The only reason men fail is because of broken focus. All of our issues is usually due to the expectations we have others

· With authority comes responsibility. With authority comes honour and with responsibility comes work.

The man's headship/leadership is first of all spiritual. It is the man that sets the tempo of the spiritual life in the home. The man is a king, priest and prophet, and he is also the Pastor over his home. If the man is too busy for fellowship, it means he’s too busy to live. It is the state of your home that shows your true spirituality. As the Pastor over his home, it is his duty to call together his family for fellowship, bible study, devotion etc. if he is too busy to do these; he’s merely a figurehead. Even the responsibility of nurturing the children and how they turn out in life is the father’s responsibility and God holds him responsible for the outcome of the children. As a true head whose head is Christ’s, he ought to be exemplifying Christ-like attitude and lifestyle. (1 Cor. 11:3, Eph. 6:4, Ps. 127:1-5, 128:1-6). Abraham was a good example because even God testified to this (Genesis 18:17-19)

If God is not in our homes, he’s not in our lives. The fact that the man is the head does not necessarily make him superior to the woman.

In addition to authority, Pastor Courage mentioned that people who contend with authority are rebels and liars and they cannot command authority.

Things to Stay away from;

1.Stay away from strife (James 3:16) strife is a conducive environment for satan to operate, especially in the home.

2.Stay away from bitterness which stems from offences. In order to combat being bitter and get better, we have to keep growing in love. Hebrews 12:15.

3.Stay away from bitter people, rebels and those who are offended because it is 
contagious. Rebels always feel controlled and they don’t go down alone.  A bitter man is unconsciously a liar and tends to exaggerate. Romans 16:17, Acts 5:34-35

In Resolving Issues, Matthew 18:15-16;

1.The first person to your grievance is the person who offended you and not another. When issues crop up, the place to take it up is the church and not to your parents, towns meeting etc. As a child of God, you have to seek after peace and pursue it.

2.Take your stand with the word of God when there are issues especially as it concerns couples or siblings

3.There should be no threatening and manipulations. The wife shouldn’t threaten the husband, neither should the husband threaten the wife, members of a church should not threaten to leave church neither should the Pastor threaten the members. No one of these persons is doing the other a favour being together and working for the good of the marriage or the church etc.

…to be continued

Home Life – In the Light Of God’s Original Plan. Part 3

Some points from Genesis 2:15-25

- God and Adam were in sync. That is, they were on the same page

- Adam named the animals, not God. God will not do for you what you can do for and by yourself. God had given the earth to man so He expected him to take charge and be responsible for it.

-You can never get anything from God in restlessness. When you are anxious and worried, you can’t get instructions from God. God had to put Adam to sleep so He could present Eve to him when Adam couldn’t find his type while he was naming the animals.

- You can’t just marry anybody because you are not just anybody. The choice of who to marry must be God not location, education, tribe or wealth.

- When God called Adam, it was a call to leave. A woman comes to join a man who has left. For as long as you don’t leave, you can’t cleave and if you don’t cleave, you can’t become, neither can you come into all that God has for you. As parents, we must begin to start training our children to leave.

- For as long as there is no transparency, there will be shame and darkness and satan thrives and dwells in darkness. But transparency is light and God dwells in the light.

Recap Of Fundamental Principles For Success In Marriage

- If you are struggling and failing in your relationship with your spouse, it is because your relationship with your first love-Jesus is not intact. If things are not well with you, check your relationship with God. As long as your first love is a major and a priority for you, every other thing concerning you will be in place. Your greatest strength and asset is your personal communion with the Lord.

- Focus on your role as a wife/mother, father/husband/ children. It eliminates bitterness, offences when you focus on what God expects of you. If our homes will run and function well, everyone has to mind their business. When you focus on the role of the other person, you won’t be focused on yours.

- Don’t run; don’t hide when there are issues on ground. When you run and hide, you become exposed. Don’t run from the home, the bedroom, the church-brethren and don’t run from God’s presence. When you feel like running, stay, work it out, pray, listen, and confront the issue head-on. This is how maturity takes place.

Added a point to the previous principles above.

- Authority. This is what holds structures together. It is only those who are under authority that can exercise authority. Jesus exemplified this for us. The more we align under God’s authority, the more we can exercise authority. As it pertains to the home, when you feel your authority is being questioned, check your relationship with God. As a matter of fact, two types of people fall under this category; those who want to exercise authority but are not under authority, those who want to exercise authority but do not want to accept the responsibility that comes with it (See 1 Cor. 11:3, Gal. 6:7, Matt. 8:8). Authority comes with responsibility. In the home front, you must know that honour is earned. Accept your responsibility even when you don’t have, to seemingly meet up with certain responsibilities, you must of necessity acknowledge it.

- Watch against resentment, suspicion and dislike against authority. It is a pointer to rebellion hiding somewhere or in manifestation. Rebels and liars do not command authority. As children, you have to honour your parents even in their shortcomings; their wrongs do not justify your being wrong, rebellious or disobedient. Fathers also should watch how they treat their children (Romans 16:17, Ephesians 6:1-4).  Every time you resent or speak against authority, you will replicate the same attitude when you come to that junction in your life, except you change.

…to be continued.

 

HOME LIFE - In the Light Of God's Original Plan (Part Two)

God’s issue with the Israelites was that, long after the promises He made to them-the good life, they had fallen short of it, He placed them on a scale during the time of the Prophet Malachi and found them wanting and the area He pointed out was the Home Life.

Now, in Matthew 19:1-8, the issue of divorce the Pharisees brought to Jesus and His answer to them showed that the standard they’ve accepted was below the standard of God which He had from the beginning. Genesis 1:1 and John 1:1 points to God as the beginning. “In the beginning God…” Thus, any true beginning must be God. Any beginning without God is faulty. Using Abraham as an example, we see that when he wanted to get a wife for his son Isaac, he made sure it was with his people, that it was based on covenant, not qualification, not money, location etc. many of the frustrations and pains some face is because they have put other things first rather than God. Please note that when you do this, you may find it but it doesn’t mean it is of God. God will never bless your plan but His. When God TOOK Adam, it showed that he was accessible.  That is, Adam had a relationship with God, a walking relationship with Him. The word TOOK was also referred to Enoch and it means to be a friend of God, to be in fellowship with God. So because of this relationship between Adam and God, He took him and put in the garden and gave him work before He gave him a wife. This is the order of God.

-  Who to live for? God or satan.

-  Where to live. God took Adam and put him in the garden. This means where you are located matters. God       called Abraham and told him where to go
- What to live for. God gave Adam work. There’s always a divine assignment for everyone and it will find expression where you are located, where God put you
- Who to live with- Life partner.

 Note: A man that is not sure of where he is going is not ready for marriage. The life of Apostle Paul clearly depicts this order of God and we can see this in Acts 9:3-5. When a man encounters God, his genuine desire is to know Him and also when you genuinely encounter God, you will naturally want to work for Him. Of course, Paul didn’t fulfill the fourth point because he gave it up. However, Paul believed in the marriage institution because he called it a mystery in Ephesians 5:32. In his time, the word mystery had a more specific meaning than it does today.
 
Highlights of some key points to note from Genesis 2:15-25
- God Himself was directly and personally involved. It was God’s decision for Adam to have a wife and not Adam’s. When you come into fellowship with God, you become the concern of God.
- It was God who formed Eve for Adam
- It was God who presented Eve to Adam

- It was God who presented the terms of the covenant with them, but Adam was left with the choice to choose. God will not impose Himself on a man’s will. The proof of how mature you are goes to show in the choices you make, it will show in what you really believe and who you really believe.

What’s the real difference between Matthew 19:1-8 and the beginning in Genesis? The Israelites had come to view the relationship between the man and the woman as horizontal, that is, simply involving the two of them. But God’s view is vertical and horizontal, that is, it involves God, the man and the woman. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 buttresses this truth- a two-fold cord can easily be broken but not so with a three-fold cord, it cannot be easily broken because each cord is fully entwined together. Thus, marriage is a covenant that involves three (3), not two (2). “MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT WHICH IS A SECRET THAT ASSURES THE SUCCESS OF THE MARRIAGE RELATIONSHIP. ONCE THAT SECRET IS FORGOTTEN OR IGNORED, MARRIAGE INEVITABLY LOSES ITS SANCTITY. WITH LOSS OF THE SANCTITY OF MARRIAGE, IT LOSES ITS STRENGTH AND STABILITY. THE CONSCIOUSNESS THAT MARRIAGE IS A COVENANT MUST NEVER BE LOST”. (According to ) Pastor Courage.
 
Fundamental truths to note for a successful marriage
- You can’t be successfully married to a man if you are not successfully married to God. John 15:5
-  Focus on yourself. Be conscious of what is expected of you. Focus on your role, focus on your responsibility. The root of offences is usually when we focus on the other person (spouse) and what they are not doing than on yourself.
- When there are issues, don’t run, don’t hide. When you do so, you expose yourself to satan and you may end up not returning the same way you left. Genesis 3:9. When you keep running away from issues, it is a sign of weakness.
 
…to be continued 

 HOME LIFE - In the Light Of God's Original Plan (Part One)

Scriptural References: Matthew 19:1-12, Genesis 2:15-25.

When it comes to the operations of God, it is usually not about what is fair. God operates by the principles of His word, and if you go against the principles of God, no matter how justified it may seem, you will end up hurting yourself because God will never back or support anything that goes against His principles. When it comes to God, there is no sentiment. Every judgment of God is based on the principles that He has put in place. It is important for us to have this in mind at all times, so that it will serve as a guide as we tackle the issues, complexities and technicalities of life.

There are times when following the principles of God may seem unfair, but we must insist on following it because that is the only way God will remain in the scenario and as long as God is in the scenario, you can be sure that everything will take shape in due time. It was not fair for God to allow Jesus who did not commit any sin die on the Cross of Cavalry for us who committed the sins. But God knew that it was the only way man could be delivered from captivity so He had to put sentiments aside.

One of the mistakes you can make in life is not to look beyond yourself. Sometimes you may have to put yourself through tough times for the sake of those you love and those that God will be bringing your way. If you have the opportunity of expanding your knowledge, don’t ignore it, if you have the opportunity of learning new things or gaining more experience on the things you already know don’t ignore it, thinking that it is not relevant to you. Because the more you know, the more experience you have, the more knowledgeable you are, the more relevant you will be to yourself, to your family and to all those around you. You cannot be more relevant than the level of your knowledge. None of us can tell the people God will be bringing our way tomorrow and it may just be that knowledge you think is irrelevant that may be needed to deliver one of such persons from that predicament he or she has found his/herself.

For a marriage to work or not work, has more to do with maturity than anything else. But maturity has nothing to do with age. Neither does it just jump upon a man. You have to deliberately grow and develop. A person is truly your friend not because you don’t quarrel with him/her but because you both have grown mature enough to settle the quarrel and still move on as if nothing has happened. There is no marriage that does not have its ups and downs but it is the maturity of the parties involved that determines whether the ups and downs will crash the marriage or make the marriage stronger.

There are three 3 important things to note here;

1.  There are secrets that can ensure successful homes and marriages and these secrets are revealed in the Word of God, the Bible.

2.  The Bible is an up-to-date relevant book so you must always give it attention and follow the instructions therein if you want to remain relevant.       

 3. The success of marriage in the home does not depend on the presence or absence of pressures or problems but depends upon a special quality of relationships that needs to be developed vertically (God) and horizontally (the man and woman).

The first and true Ministry any man can have is in the home. Everything rests in the home. If you want to upgrade your life, your health, your finances, etc, the first place to begin is your home. If your home is in shambles, every other part of your life will follow suit. In the same way, if your home is in order, every other aspect of your life will take shape and improve constantly over time. Thus if you want to upgrade your life, then ensure you have first upgraded your home. A man or woman’s true spirituality can be seen in the home. If your soul is prospering, we will be seeing it in your home. Cleanliness is not just next to godliness; cleanliness is godliness. We must ensure that our homes are kept clean at all times.

Marriage was God’s idea, it was founded/created by God and originated from God. As such, there is nobody that can lead or guide you on how to have a successful marriage or home more than God who founded and originated marriage. If your home and marriage will work, God must be your reference point at all times. If the God factor is in place, every other thing will naturally take dressing. If you are having challenges in your home, your first point of call should be God. When God is constant in your home, you will overcome challenges and difficulties with ease even when it does not concern your home. As such, God must be the first priority in a marriage relationship for those who are married. When it comes to the choice of who to marry, the person’s spiritual stand must be your major concern.

Home Management

Women are the ones in charge of their homes. God put us in charge. Our part is to do our own work well. And for us to keep, it means the woman must be under instruction from her husband. To manage means to take charge and to direct the affairs of something. In other words, how can a woman direct the affairs of the home? To do this effectively, we must understand that;

1. It is a stewardship responsibility: This responsibility is given by God and you will ultimately give an account for it. So you don’t do it the way you like it but the way He expects you to do it. 1 Cor. 4:1-2. Note: every home is different but operates by the same basic principles of God’s word. No two homes are the same. Every home is unique. So look to yours.

2. You cannot effectively manage your home until you can effectively manage your life. If you have not organized your life, you cannot organize your home. It is the spirit of a man that sustains him-it is from inside out. “Through wisdom is an house builded; and by understanding it is established: And by knowledge shall the chambers be filled with all precious and pleasant riches.” Prov. 24:3&4, (See also 3:5&6). How does wisdom come? Through God's word and fellowship with Him, that way you can build strength into your spirit man and then you can be able to do what you ought.

3. Women are meant to be homemakers.  Titus 2:3, Prov.31:27-

4 i. Learn to follow the leadership of the Spirit. Learn to ask Him questions.

ii. Learn to plan ahead

iii. Have an established pattern/routine in your home

iv. Your home is unique and different

What are the things we need to look at in order to manage our homes?

- Learn to manage time. Things usually jam in the home when we don’t know how to manage our time. But when there’s a routine, things have a way of turning out right, there’s usually order. Have a day to do specific chores in the home. When you have a pattern, things won’t overwhelm you. Set your priorities right.

- Resources: Not just finances. To whom much is given, much is expected. Even the furniture in your home should be taken care of. Children should not just be allowed to write on walls, tear paper all over the place just because they are children. And when it comes to our finances, be content with what you have, it is enough at the moment for you to work with, because with what you have, you can do what you need to do no matter how little it is. Have a budget, plan with it and learn to buy in bulk when it is possible. Besides, money is not just to buy food, there are so many other things but as you budget the money, as you plan for it, trust God for it to go a long way and you will be surprised at how far it can go. Trusting God and budgeting are not mutually exclusive principles. Always ask God how you should spend the resources He gives to you, and believe Him for more.

           TIME AND MONEY MANAGEMENT

When you are not sharp as a woman, the things that go to suffer for it, are innumerable-it could even cause the untimely death of your husband. There are some things that are not your direct responsibility, but your concern and interest can go a long way to saving a lot of issues. As parents, you need to watch out for your children, to help them, nurture them because it can aid in who they eventually become, it can also affect their psyche. The way you train a child ultimately affects his/her character.

There are two things that are never enough and they are the major issues – TIME and MONEY. There’s never enough time, there’s never enough money. Because they are never enough, satan keeps using this advantage to affect us. How do we solve these issues of Time and Money? The higher you go, the more money you need, the same goes for time but one can make use of the little you have. Life is primarily spiritual. Time is life and just as there are units of measurements, the unit of measurement for life is TIME.

So how do you make the most of TIME and MONEY? The key is by living a spirit-filled life. (See Isaiah 11:1-3, Eph. 5:14-19) So knowingly and unknowingly, one can walk like a fool when he is not living a spirit-filled life, different things can come to test, derail and sidetrack you if you continually walk in the flesh. If we are going to escape the evil in these times, we must know how to buy up the time, i.e. we must know how to redeem it. When you are constantly full of the Spirit, the Spirit will counsel you, help you and show you how to manage the time, how to spend the money, what to do with the little to get much. It is under the leadership of the Spirit you can effectively manage your life. If you believe you need to have more money, then know that you need more of God. Our take-off point is God.

The Spirit-filled life is the prescription. Besides, also learn to plan ahead, write things down as the Spirit leads you. There are times; He will lead you to keep reordering your plans. Isaiah 50:4-5. When your ears are opened to the Spirit and you are hearing, you will not make mistakes. We have to begin to train ourselves to start with God and carry God through the day. A long as one is lazy about this, the frustration and struggling continue. Be deliberate about daily communion with the Lord. In Mark 1:35, we see Jesus “… in the morning, rising up a great while before day, he went out, and departed into a solitary place, and there prayed.” Your communion with God should not be number 1 place in your scale of preference but rather you take your scale of preference from the Spirit. 1 Cor.14:4, when you are charged up in the Spirit, you pick up the right frequency from the Spirit.

When you are walking Spirit full, you take the right steps, make the correct decisions etc. we must make our communion with God a daily affair just as Jesus did. The problem is not Money, it is not Time but it is a life void of the Spirit and the solution is a Spirit-filled life. When you are not engaging the Holy Spirit, you are refusing His help as your helper.

Four Principal Points

The message for the day was centred on 4 principal points. The scriptures read were Malachi 1:6, 1 Corinthians 11:1. He further said the way I have an expectation of my spouse, Christ also has expectations from me.

 Christ is the husband and the church is the wife and the privilege to own a home is to make us better Christians which is simply to become more and more like Christ and this will reflect in the way we handle our spouse and children (home affairs). Every experience should be a motivation in serving God better i.e the experience you have in your relationship with your spouse and children should draw you closer to God and not farther.

 The second point was centred on the fact that it is not too late to change, no matter your age. No one has gone too far to change. Change is possible and if one is not changing, it is not because you can’t change but you think it’s impossible.

There is so much you can do and can be whatever you have carried for years is not too late to change. He stressed further that you don’t need to go to the grave with ‘garbage’. In concluding this point, he said that it means to be born again is that you are subject to change becoming like Christ each passing day.

The third point is all about the change you can’t or don’t want to make you cannot effect in others lives because you can’t take anybody through the road you have not being. You must be willing to make changes. There are many things God uses to mirror our lives to us, especially your children, the greatest disservice you can do to yourself to change is to refuse change. We must be willing to change at certain junctions in our lives. Don’t push the responsibility to change to your children thinking they are the ones that need change. Remember you are a gateway.

While the last point which is the 4th, says, most times, we want our children better and don’t want them to repeat our errors we ant them to be an improvement of us, we don’t want them to experience the pain and mistakes but the way we go about this sometimes is wrong.

 Note: they are not the problem, “I am the problem’. if I change, they will change because it is what I model before them they will produce.

Remember, they don’t know your past, the present is what they see, so you must keep learning how to change, the fact that you are married doesn’t necessarily mean you know everything, you need to be taught so that you can consistently model the right thing before them, always model the future using the present before them.

You don’t go about change with fear and tension, but doing the proper (right) things.

 In conclusion,  as we are more committed to Christ, everything will naturally be changing. Prayer Point was God, help us.

(Finances And Management – Home)

Every family that has a Christian root ought to be an extension of God’s kingdom on earth. That is why throughout scriptures, God always places a demand on families. The Christian family/home is supposed to lift up the banner of God. If there is no lack in the kingdom, then the Christian home should know no lack. If the kingdom is green, then the family/home ought to be green.

As leaders of homes, as people that have being given families to raise under God. We are stewards. “Let a man so account of us, as the ministers of Christ, and stewards of the mysteries of God. Moreover, it is required in stewards that a man be found faithful.” 1 Corinthians 4:1-2

Your child is not yours, but God gave him/her to you to look after, and if we are stewards, then the issue of management is not an option because if you are a steward, you have been put in charge of something, estate (which could be lives or a people). Management also means the act of managing something. Managing means to be in charge (to handle effectively). To act, watch and direct. So God is saying to us. “I have put you in charge of the home as a husband or wife, and remember that one day we must give an account of all that God has entrusted into our hands because we are stewards.

We must understand that the difference between the poor and the rich is simply management. In our homes, the major problem is not money problem but management problem, to push it further, money matter is a spiritual matter. Therefore, anybody that has good money is a spiritual person. (Any man that pushes beyond the ordinary is a financially “spiritual man.”)  It’s important to note that spirituality does not necessarily mean godly.

“No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one and love the other or else he will hold to the one and despise the other, ye cannot serve God and mammon.” Mt. 6:24 You can either serve God or mammon not both.“Riches and honour are with me; yea durable riches and righteousness.” Proverb 8:18Money can be a dangerous and bad master or it can become a good servant, what it becomes to you is determined by you. The will of God for every Christian family is to have an abundance. God is eternally faithful, whatever we need per time, God makes it available.

In handling money, you can spend or waste it, you can also grow and develop money, but it will take wisdom and discipline.

Another major issue concerning money is that there is so much lack in the church; there are many that lack financial muscles. But the real thing is not what is in our hand but managing and developing what we have. We are in managing crises, not supply crises, part of this management crises is that we make wrong investments. Now, there are four basic things that we must know.

1. You must make up your mind to submit to the standard of God’s word. Adhere to the word of God when it comes to financial matters. You can’t go against the word of God and expect to be blessed. Note: what you do today will have an effect on your unborn children and grandchildren. Stay with the principle of the word.

2. We must learn to submit to the leadership of the Spirit. This is where growing money comes in. This is where disbursement of money comes. (Isaiah 11:1-3), when you are under the leadership of the Spirit, you will make a sound judgement on financial matters. “Now he that ministereth seed to the sower both minister bread for your food and multiply your seed sown and increase the fruit of your righteousness. 2 Cor. 2:10. 

Note: if they are coming from the same source, they are likely going to look alike so you must be able to differentiate the seed from the fruit. You must learn how to fellowship with the Holy Ghost per time to teach you how to spend money. If you believe He ministers seed to you then allow Him to lead you. You must learn how to maintain financial discipline and learn financial budgeting. Stop spending with your brain, allow the Spirit to lead you.

3. Resist ungodly counsel. “Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly.” Ps.1”1 It follows that a man who walks in the counsel of the ungodly is cursed. Adhering to 3 above will open doors of abundance to you. The manifestation of more than enough will be a reality to you. In all financial dealings, never put things and project before God and people, things and project should come after God and people. No matter how small you earn, never cease to be a blessing because you are blessed to be a blessing. The greatest givers are not the richest but the wisest.

4. We must learn contentment: don’t spend beyond your means. We must be wise. The key thing is that money can grow, don’t spend because you have it, but allow the Holy Ghost to lead you always.

Prayer point: Isaiah 55:10 – Over my home/life, let it rain. Let my home be watered.

TIPS FOR A GODLY BOND IN THE HOME

No GOD – no Home – no Family – No Life

                              So

MAKE GOD YOUR CENTRAL FOCUS

(Think, talk, act, live within the WORD BOUNDARY)

 

 v Live together (Father, Husband, Wife, Mother, Children)

  -  Pray together

  - Read, study together

 - Eat together

 - Play together

 - Sing together

  - Be accountable one to another

  - Be transparent one to another

  - Share victories, challenges, fears together.

WHAT CAN MAKE A MAN REPULSIVE TO A WOMAN

- Lack of interest in him

- Contention of supremacy

- Lack of respect

- Lack of interest in what he loves

- Confronting him at wrong times

-  Lack of response to his romance

-  Refusal to develop

COVENANT RENEWAL

You renew by reminding one another about your marital vows and commitment made to one another. There must be a structure where you constantly renew your commitment. When you remind yourselves on your covenant regularly, it gets renewed.

Things we must have to remind ourselves

- That the source of marriage is God’s idea

- That marriage is a covenant

- That the Lord approves of marriage as something to be celebrated with joy

- That marriage is the only relationship in the whole bible that God used to express the    precious relationship between Christ and the church

- God intends for it to be permanent

- That there must be free sharing

- God intends that children should be produced from our union

- That our marriage offers us the privilege of hospitality

Scriptural  references: Gen.2:18-25, Mal.2:14, Eph.5:21, Mark 10:1-9, Mal.2:15-16, Heb.13:4, Eccl.9:9, Psalm 127:3-5, Eccl.12:13-14, 1 Corinthians 

KEY QUESTIONS FOR COUPLES

- What’s your commitment to the word and prayers?

- What’s your personal and corporate guiding principle?

- On what basis (Word of God) are the foundations?

- Are you and your household an integral part of a church in attending, participating and contributing?

- Are you truly under spiritual authority for accountability and mentoring?

- What kind of company do you keep around you, your spouse and household?

- Where is the emphasis or the pendulum tilting or is it balanced? Spiritually, socially, emotionally and mentally?

- Are you actively involved in advancing the kingdom of God?