Singles Forum

OUR ROOT

“And if ye be Christ's, then are ye Abraham's seed, and heirs according to the promise”. Galatians 3:28

We are gathered in the name Christ, as believers, Christians. If you are of Christ, you can trace your root to Abraham. As believers in Christ, we can trace our ancestral lineage to Abraham.

The single-phase is considered as;

- Foundational phase

- Preparatory phase and

- Learning phase

Values of our family lineage

To make the most of one’s future, you have to go back to your lineage and see what transpired in order to forge forward. In the scriptures, Abraham and Sarah were the only couples He only made reference to. Isaiah 51:1-2. God declared that He called Him and blessed him and the blessings of the Lord makes rich and added no sorrow-Prov. 10:22. In the same light that God called Abraham and blessed him, so He wants to do for you.

“That ye be not slothful, but followers of them who through faith and patience inherit the promises”. Hebrews 6:12.

Let’s see what is applicable to us as singles.

Genesis 12:1-3, (Genesis 24:1-67) from this scripture, Abraham was both the biological and spiritual figure in the life of Isaac). The marital choice for a life partner is spiritual and it will be messed up if you are not spiritual.

- Abraham remembered the covenant he had with his God-He prayed

- Abraham made his servant swear he would not make his son marry from the land he came

- Rebecca was a virgin and it is particular to God what you are described as

- The final choice of who to marry is yours; however, you will be guided and counselled

You are the one that gives people the right to speak into your life

The ancient landmarks must not be removed. You have to know the values you are to hold to take you through this journey as singles.

Matt. 1:18-19 (See Mary)

- They followed the same spiritual procedure- it followed from the spirit to the physical. If your spiritual eyes are closed, you can’t get the right person for you

- They were prayerful

- There was no sex before marriage

You can have certain feelings for the opposite sex but the procedure you embrace to deal with it is what matters. See 2 Samuel 13:1-

- As a lady, if you engage in sex outside of marriage, you are devaluing yourself and it brings shame to you.

- When it comes to the man, you are seen as foolish; you become spiritually dull when you engage in sex outside of marriage.

A lady should not beg or coerce a man to marry her.

In marriage, three wills are involved, the will of God, the man and the woman. However, the man must take the initial step.

- There was strict adherence to spirit inspired instructions against. Why would Jacob work an extra seven years for the lady he loves? He had to strictly adhere to the terms of the covenant, to the word of God.

As singles, in order to have a glorious future like your father Abraham, you must not tamper with the ancient landmarks. You must not tamper with the terms of the covenant.

 

 

HOW PREPARED ARE YOU?

In these times we are in, and in places like America, Europe… it’s no longer news for couples to divorce and remarry up to three, four times. This trend had gradually crept into the church and funny enough, we now have scriptures and psychological reasons to authenticate it. Those giving these reasons are highly celebrated and accepted and you know when an authority does something, it becomes automatically justified and right.

These days, it’s so easy to see couples who come for counselling getting a divorce after a few months of marriage, one year, two or even thirty years. Some are even secretly getting divorced and the interesting thing about these is that you are aware of how they got married, how they started and how they fought tooth and nail to be together. As for you (single) who have not started the journey (into marriage), if you can get it right before you start, you are better off. You must make up your mind that once in, there’s no going back. An attempt to go back is to be destroyed. Your only option is to move forward with God helping you

“….And Jesus answered and said unto them, take heed that no man deceive you” Mt. 23:24.

We are in a time of high level of deception and Jesus is admonishing us to be alert and not be ignorant, because Satan is in the business of causing deception, distraction and discouragement. These are the three D’s of Satan.

“And it came to pass, that when Jesus had finished these sayings, he departed from Galilee, and came into the Coast of Judaea beyond the Jordan; And great multitude followed him; and he healed them there.

The Pharisees also came unto him, tempting him, and saying unto him, is it lawful for a man to put away his wife for every cause?

And Jesus answered and said unto them, have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female. And said, for this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder”. Mt. 19:1-6.

In other words, what Jesus was saying here is that it is only God that can put asunder what He has joined. David had this understanding when he refused to kill Saul after the several opportunities he had to do so. He understood that it was God who put him there and so, it would only take God to remove him. By so doing, David was honouring God.

“They said unto him, why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away?

He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so”. Mt. 19:7-8.

The Pharisees wanted to trap Jesus in order to justify their actions, but Jesus made them to understand that from the beginning, it was not so. This means from the beginning, in God’s original intent there was no such plan. The beginning remains the standard. Jesus was simply saying He came to bring order to the distortion that had crept in while the devil was on the scene. He came to remove the hardness in men’s heart and give them hearts of flesh.

Marriage was ordained and set up by God. It was the only institution God set in place before the fall of man. God gave man dominion after He made him and gave him authority over all but man lost his position to Satan but Jesus came to right the situation. As a matter of fact, His first miracle was in a marriage ceremony. Until Satan entered the home, his effect in the society couldn’t be seen. The home is God’s strong point and because Satan knows this too, it remains his focus. But Jesus came to change the focus and the concept of marriage. Once Satan succeeds in getting at your marriage, he has taken your life.

The rate at which couples are saying with ease they want a divorce is becoming rampant. And it is not just ordinary. There are some demonic activities hovering in the air. So we must raise an alarm fast. The truth is that the present-day believers are not ready to weather any storm.

Marriage is a covenant that involves God (the principal party), the man and the woman. Those who understand covenant know that you don’t just back out of covenants anyhow. They know that you don’t take covenant terms for granted once it has been enacted especially a covenant that involves blood.

The Gibeonites deceived the Israelites and they entered into a covenant with them when they later discovered, it was already too late no matter how they felt at the time. A covenant has been entered into. The Israelites were impatient. They should have checked properly with God. (Josh. 9) In spite of all this, they had to respect the covenant because it involved God and was now binding. The fact that you were deceived to get married is no excuse; the fact that you were told a lie is no excuse. You have married, you are married. If you know you cannot love and truly respect the man you want to marry, then don’t marry him because when you begin to disregard him, you are actually disregarding God. If you know you can’t put up with her excuses, weakness or lapses, don’t marry her because when you become irritated because of the things you will be seeing later, you are dishonouring God.

Years later, during the reign of David, there arose a famine and when David sought the Lord, God told him it was because of Saul who killed the Gibeonites. And in order for the famine to stop, the Gibeonites requested that some of Saul’s descendants be killed also. (2 Sam.21:1-9)

The fact that you no longer have feelings for your spouse is no excuse. You are in a covenant. Besides, feelings are subject to change. Thus, in marriage, there’s no room for divorce or separation. Divorce simply means separation and separation is in diverse phases and levels. God declared in Mal.2 that He hates divorce. And if a man embraces what God hates, he will only attract God’s wrath.

As a single, you have to resolve that before you start, you must count the cost to see if you can finish. It is not trial and error. When you call off an engagement, you’ve done nothing wrong but if you break off a marriage covenant, it brings destruction. The decision to get married and stay married is a major decision and it is for life. The decision to get married must be done with:

1.   Care

2.   Serious prayers

3.   Proper godly counsel

When you don’t do these things properly, you may end up in deception. You may suddenly discover that the man is not as spiritual as you thought. Anyone who can’t marry you the way you are is not meant for you. If you want to marry, don’t hide your history or past from the one you want to marry. Take all the time you want in order to be sure of the decision you want to make. When you get married, there are several challenges that will confront you, so you have to be sure. The fact that your marriage is the will of God does not mean it will be void of challenges. (1 Cor.10:13)

If you are not going to be a victim of the epidemic activities going on now, there are some things you must deal with or get rid of. They are:

1.   Ignorance – Listen to the right messages, read the right books, expose yourself to the truth that will stabilize your heart ahead of time.

2.   Laziness – Don’t be lazy in the place of seeking God. We are in the times where Satan uses the activities of the day to drain us and at the end of the day; we have no strength to pursue God. Men ought always to pray and not to faint. (Lk.18:1)” PRAY SO THAT YOU WILL NOT FAINT”.

3.   Impatience or hasty – Whatever God has, Satan presents a counterfeit. Satan uses fear to neutralize faith, fear of the unknown. Fear makes us do wrong things like taking a job we shouldn’t. Don’t rush into making a marital decision. It must be through faith and patience. (Is. 28:16, Heb. 10:35-37,

Heb.6:12) An adage says, “You don’t hurry to eat hot yam. The yam you may lose, your mouth you may burn”.

4.   Pressure – Until you can put these pressures where they belong; you are not ready for marriage.

a. Parental pressure – Wanting you to attain heights they would have loved to attain but couldn’t, like having many children, get married early or late on certain conditions.

WAY OUT: Stand your ground on who you are by your lifestyle.

b. Societal pressure – To be more acceptable in society, not be an outcast.

WAY OUT – Fortify yourself in your true identity in Christ

c. Emotional or Psychological pressure – Loneliness, low self-esteem, shoulders to hang on, sexual desire.

WAY OUT – Strengthen your fellowship with God.

d. Financial pressure – I need a roof over my head, somebody to pay my bills or assist financially. Etc.

WAY OUT – Learn contentment. Learn to look to and trust in God as your source.

e. Spiritual pressure – I need a prayer partner, somebody to charge me up spiritually.

WAY OUT – Develop your personal walk with God. Be properly planted in a sound church.

5.   Compromises – Don’t compromise the word of God for anything. It will backfire. Don’t compromise to marry. Your point of entrance (foundation) must be right.

6.   Get rid of carnality and become spiritually-minded. Rom.8:5-8. Don’t be a fleshy believer, one who is dull spiritually, one who responds to feelings faster than respond to God.

Four Things You Must Develop and Build Yourself Into

1. Develop a strong spiritual depth. Is. 37:31. How far you will go is determined by how deep your root is.

2. Develop a sound spiritual company. The purpose of this kind of company is:

a. Accountability

b. Development. If you really want to know a man, check out the kind of company he keeps. Be in a good church, build relationships whereby people can speak into your life. One of the reasons that made Daniel great was the kind of company he kept. Have genuine friends.

3. Develop strong spiritual values – such as learning contentment.

4. Have a clear cut spiritual direction- if you don’t know where you are going, others will take you their own way. Don’t just face any direction. When you know where you are going, nothing can distract or take your attention.  

   

ON WHAT KIND OF FOUNDATION?

“Whosoever cometh to me and heareth my sayings, and doeth them, I will shew you to whom he is like:

He is like a man which built an house and digged deep and laid the foundation on a rock: and when the flood arose, the stream beat vehemently upon that house and could not shake it, for it was founded upon a rock.

But he that heareth, and doeth not, is like a man that without a foundation built an house upon the earth; against which the stream did beat vehemently, and immediately it fell; and the ruin of that house was great.” Luke 6:47-49.

Amplifying this story, two persons are referred to here. Both built houses and finished, they probably dedicated and furnished their houses. And by all standards, they would be referred to as house owners, but there was just one unseen, unnoticed thing that differentiated one from the other, which was the FOUNDATION of each building. When the unexpected showed up, the tide turned, opposition arose, the house on earth (sand) collapsed, but that which was built on rock stood.

My question to you SINGLE is, on what kind of FOUNDATION are you building your life and future?

“For other foundation can no man lay that is laid which is Jesus Christ.” 1 Corinthians 3:11.

So Jesus Christ is the only TRUE FOUNDATION and Jesus is the word of God confirming the earlier scriptures. However, whatever is TRUE will always have a fake or false. In other words, there could be FALSE FOUNDATIONS such as family name or reputation, human connections and promises, qualification, achievements, ability, fear, circumstances, experiences etc. You build on a false foundation when any of these becomes your driving force, reason and basis for your actions, decisions or judgement instead of the word of God.

“Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure… 2 Timothy 2:19.

If the foundation of God which is the foundation of the word of God, of Jesus Christ is SURE, it means then that any other foundation is not just false or fake but also unsure. It also means that you have the responsibility to make sure that you don’t build your life and future on a weak, false, fake and unsure foundation. What makes it very dangerous is that the consequences are not immediate, it waits at the end. There is no better time to be sure of the foundation than now so that your efforts and journey will not be in vain and your expectations shattered.

You can see that the times are getting tougher, harder and more unpredictable. Only the hard and tough will stand. The shaking has begun and it is only the life and future founded on the rock (the word of God) that will stand.

How do I lay a proper foundation?

1. Be born again – John 3:3. You must not assume. Be sure.

2. Fellowship with God –Build and develop a personal, intimate relationship with God through the word of God and prayers. Until you begin to relate with God personally, your born again experience doesn’t have real meaning. John 3:5.

3. Train yourself to grow in obedience to the word of God.  That is, making deliberate effort to apply, do the word of God on a daily basis and on every issue. Luke 6:47-49 – James 1:22-25

4. Have and keep a RIGHT HEART. For as long as your heart is right before God, you can’t miss Him. You keep doing this by watching or making your heart only accommodate godly information through the in-gates of the eyes and ears (Prov.4:23). Another way is to keep consecrating and surrendering your heart to God in prayers.

Psalm 136:23-24, Genesis 20:1-7.

5. Learn to seek God and receive a clear word from God on major issues that may not be spelt out in the word like relocation, choice of a life partner etc. You can ask LOT, RUTH and JACOB, their experiences may be of help.  

  

  AS YOU PREPARE

“And Elisha came to Damascus and Ben-Hadad the king of Syria was sick, and it was told him, saying the man of God is come hither. And the king said unto Hazael, take a present in thine hand, and go, meet the man of God, and enquire of the Lord saying, shall I recover of this disease? And Elisha said unto him, go say unto him, thou mayest certainly recover, howbeit the Lord hath showed me that he shall surely die. And he settled his countenance steadfastly, until he was ashamed and the man of God wept. And Hazael said, why weepeth my lord? And he answered, because I know the evil that thou wilt do unto the children of Israel, their strongholds wilt thou set on fire and their young men wilt thou slay with the sword, and wilt dash their children, and rip up their women with child. And Hazael said, but what is thy servant a dog, that he should do this great thing? And Elisha answered, the Lord showed me that thou shalt be king over Syria.” 2 Kings 8:7-13

In this account, we see a man by name Hazael who never knew he would be king though being a servant at the time. The prophecy came to him as a surprise because the contents were strange (evil). His response was “AM I A DOG” to do this evil only for him to actually live out the prophecies from verse 15. (2Kings 10:32, 13:1-5) You must understand that when prophecies come like that from God, it is because He expects you to do something about it.

WHAT TO DO WITH PROPHECIES

Ø  Test the spirit behind the prophecy (1Jn 4:1-2) and the basis for carrying out the test is the Word of God. It will not run contrary to the Word of God. When prophecies come from God, even when it is a warning about an evil event, it will always leave you with hope or a way of escape when there is repentance.

Ø  Don’t despise the prophecy once you are certain it is from God. Don’t think like Hazael who thought he couldn’t commit this evil forgetting that God knew him more than he knew himself. (1Thess. 5:20)

Ø  War with them (1Tim.1:18). We have been taught to war with good to come to pass. You can also war to reverse the bad to become good like King Hezekiah did. (Is.38:1-8) I strongly believe this was what Hazael ought to have done. Curses can be reversed to blessings in warfare. (Deut.23:5)

However, from this discourse, as you prepare for KINGSHIP which could represent marriage, profession, future etc, WHAT SHOULD YOU DO? Prophecy or no prophecy, please note of warning, don’t look for prophecies, satan could take advantage of you through that. Let God decide if He wants to reach out to you through prophecy. You already have a more sure word of prophecy (the Word of God). 2 Peter 1:20-21

Ø  Don’t make assumptions. (1Cor.10:1-12, Mt.25:1-13) Don’t THINK you are standing, KNOW (be sure) you are standing in the Lord. Be sure of what you carry on the inside, know.

Ø  Be sure of your foundation. Again, be sure the foundation upon which you are building your life, future, today etc is the Lord because that’s the foundation that will stand the test of time. Ask yourself, who is commanding my every step, why am I doing what I am doing? (2Tim.2:19 – Lk.6:47-49)

Ø  Make adequate preparations. It is often said that failure to prepare is preparing to fail. This was what happened to Hazael. Please don’t just allow the day (wedding, promotion, future) meet you unprepared. PREPARE in prayers, studies, interactions, learning etc. Even our master and role model, Jesus, took time to prepare for His future on earth. (Lk.2:44, 46,51)

My prayer for you is that you will not only sit on your God-ordained throne but you will reign to His glory. So heed counsel now. Shalom!

THE SURE FOUNDATION

We live in an era, a time where it looks like anything and everything goes. It looks like integrity doesn’t count or matter, that purity, righteousness is old fashioned. But have you discovered that when the chips are down, everyone seems to look for or turn to a man of integrity?

You see guys who sleep around with girls, play around and have fun (so it seems to them), when it’s time to settle down, they want to settle for a marriageable, homely, decent, chaste lady and not the one they have been sleeping around with. Even those no one can trust seem to be interested in only those they can trust. All these go to show that it doesn’t matter how we live, what we have chosen to believe and practice. The truth remains the truth, certain virtues, values still makes the difference. And they go a long way to define and determine your future.

In the bible, which remains our only genuine reference point, from the very first book to the latter books, you will see descriptions like these; “And the damsel was very fair to look upon, a virgin neither had any man known her…” Gen. 24:16

“Now the name of the man was Nabal, and the name of his wife was Abigail: and she was a woman of good understanding, and of a beautiful countenance, but the man was churlish and evil in his doings and he was of the house of Caleb”. 1 Sam. 25:3

The point here is that for these virtues to be pointed out clearly means that they are important before God and man. And like I said earlier, they define and determine your outcome. So, dearly beloved, it doesn’t matter the generally accepted practice or pressure you are under or whatever experience you have had, be fully persuaded that righteousness, purity, integrity, love still pays and counts and you must remain wholeheartedly committed to them no matter the situation or condition. It’s the only sure foundation that any meaningful, lasting and fulfilling life can be built upon.

“Nevertheless the foundation of God standeth sure, having this seal, the Lord knoweth them that are his. And, let everyone that nameth the name of Christ depart from iniquity”. 2 Timothy 2:19

If you are of God then you must stay pure, righteous, do right, live right according to the standards of God. “Say ye to the righteous, that it shall be well with him…” Isaiah 3:10. This charge is not to everyone but to the one doing and living right.

“Mark (note) the perfect man, and behold (see) the upright (committed to doing and living right according to God’s standard) for the end of that man (male/female) is peace (well, fulfillment”) Psalm 37:37- Emphasis mine.

 THE TRANSLATION AND THE PROCESS

We have taught that, 

The single-phase represents;

1) Foundational phase 

2) Preparatory phase 

3) Learning/discovery phase. 

- Foundational phase. The quality and longevity of a building are tied to the foundation.  Instead of being in a hurry to leave this phase, take the time to make sure you are laying a solid foundation.

- Preparatory phase. Your performance can never be above your level of preparation. The kind of performance you expect can be seen in the kind of preparation you embark on.

- Learning or discovery phase. Knowledge does not jump on you. You have to deliberately seek to know.

The major problems/crisis people face is usually rooted in;

- Wrong foundation or weak foundation, eg get married to someone, reading a course because of societal expectation, parental instruction etc

- Wrong choices such as career, location etc

- Wrong point of entrance e.g falsifying your age to get a job. What doesn’t come to you, the way you are is not of God. 

When crisis comes, you are not the only one that will be affected by it. 

- Sisters, anybody that wants to marry you should be able to lead you spiritually.

John 12:24- “verily, verily,  I say unto you, except a corn of wheat fall into the ground and die, it abideth alone : but if it dies, it bringeth forth much fruit”.

This is the process - death, burial and resurrection. There is no resurrection until there is death. The real challenge with us is that we do not want to die. We do not want to make that transition. Jesus became King of Kings and Lord of Lords because He went through this process. 

- Identity crisis is still one major issue to date. Adam fell because of an identity crisis. Once there’s confusion about who you really are, there’s a serious crisis. Nobody should look at you and be in doubt as to who you really are. Everything about your life is revealing who you are. If you are a Christian, be one indeed, stop hanging on the fence. You cannot want to be a "chic", and a sister at the same time.

- As a single, there’s a death, burial and resurrection process you must go through if your life will make meaning.

- You must be delivered from an identity crisis. Paul understood this when he stated he wasn’t ashamed of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It was from that premise; he was able to magnify his office as an Apostle to the Gentiles. 

You cannot enjoy the life of a believer in Christ until it dawns on you who you really are. You must be known as a Christian, - pure breed.

Two major areas this mistake is commonly made;

1- The area of relationship

2- The area of money 

These major mistakes show one is refusing, denying or resisting the translation and process. When you become born again, there is a translation that took place (Colossians 1:13) and there is a process you must go through in other to grow. Many times, some want to use Babylonian ways of getting the fruits of the kingdom.

It is not just age, feelings, status that qualifies you for marriage. It is maturity. And maturity is defined by the standard of God’s word. Don’t mistake age, feelings or status for maturity and don’t be deceived into thinking that ‘time will tell’. Time will not tell anything except what you have been doing with time is relevant and true.

- The most powerful tool in the hand of a man to get a woman is not money but words. All Adam declared upon sighting Eve was ‘this is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh’.

“And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman because she was taken out of Man. Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not ashamed”. Genesis 2:23-25.

From this verse of scriptures, we know that marriage is not for boys and girls, man and man, nor woman and woman but it is for a man and a woman. Thus, you must get God’s standard for marriage so that you are sure you are entering into it as a man or as a woman. There is no room for assumption in this matter. You have to be sure.

Who is a Man?

“But I would have you know, that the head of every man is Christ; and the head of the woman is the man; and the head of Christ is God”. 1 Cor. 11:3

A man is one who has Christ as His head. It is not all males that become men. To be a male is by birth, but to become a man is by choice. A man is not independent. He has mastered the headship of Christ and is ruled and governed by Christ.

Who is a Woman?

A woman is one who has the characteristics of the Proverbs 31 woman. Beauty is vain but a woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised. A woman that fears the Lord will help you cooperate with God to avoid temptation and not aid you to fall for it. (See Psalm 128:1-6, Titus 2:1-6) 

You cannot behave differently from what you have learnt because what you’ve learned will eventually, become your experience.

Consequently,

- The fact that you are a female doesn’t mean you are a woman

- That you are a male doesn’t mean you a man

All you need to do is meet up with God’s standard.

- Your greatest asset as a lady is not your looks but your character

- Your greatest asset as a man is your vision. You must know God to have a vision. 

Thus, what should be your take-off point?

- Build your life on what will matter for life. Get it right.

“Who hath delivered us from the power of darkness, and hath translated us into the kingdom of his dear Son”. Col.1:13.

You were delivered from the kingdom of darkness to the kingdom of God, so you have to learn His thoughts and ways in order to line up with Him. Your first preoccupation should be to start learning the new way. Learn of Christ- it is a call to learn of Him. Don’t mix both kingdoms together. eg. Unlearn the language of the world and the kingdom of darkness and learn the language of the new kingdom-dress code, lifestyle etc. you have to unlearn all and embrace the new lifestyle of the kingdom of God etc. There’s deliverance, there’s a translation from one kingdom to another so you have to learn the ways of God in the new.

- If normalcy is not established, something successful cannot come out of it.

(See 1 Peter 2:1-2) The key to knowing anything is to be interested in it. There must be a desire to learn the new way, style, pattern etc. This is where the challenge is because many ignore the process.

“I beseech you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God, that ye present your bodies a living sacrifice, holy, acceptable unto God, which is your reasonable service. And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God”. Romans 12:1-2.

Do not be in agreement with the world. Be known as a believer. Your mind must be renewed. Uninstall every worldly application and put on kingdom applications. Get soaked in God's word.  Read Christian literature, listen to godly audio messages, music etc. As you grow, your priority will change. 

It is through knowledge that the just shall be delivered. Sit down and learn what you should. Ask questions, consult the right persons. Learn to walk in genuine agape love towards the brethren.  The way of love is the way of power. 

“Let no man despise thy youth; but be thou an example of the believers, in word, in conversation, in charity, in spirit, in faith, in purity”._1 Timothy 4:12. When you are in God, you will see God.

Prayer

I let go of my ways and embrace Your ways. Lord, I surrender to You.

LOVE - A FUNDAMENTAL ISSUE

The Singles’ phase represents;

- A Foundational

- Preparatory

- And learning or discovery phase

As a single, you should not be eager to leave the phase but to maximize it. You will definitely leave the phase sooner or later, but your focus should be to maximize it.

A of problems some couples face in marriage are rooted in;

-Wrong foundation

-Wrong choices

-Wrong point of entrance

-Lack of preparation or inadequate preparation

Your preparation will determine your performance

Life is a journey, it is a process, it is about relationships.

Man was wired for relationship. We were never wired for isolation or independence but for interdependence. What water is to fish is what relationship is to man. Man cannot function outside of relationship. Jesus didn’t function outside of relationship; He had a company while on earth.

Genesis 1:26- If God could not carry out His assignment in isolation neither can you. You cannot fulfill destiny in isolation. You cannot walk in dominion in isolation. For you to walk in dominion, you must identify the ‘THEM’ in your life. The quality of a man’s life can be measured or known by the kind of relationships he/she attracts-Psalm 119:3, Prov. 13:20.

Sever any relationship that puts pressure on you whether to do what you shouldn’t do, or to perform or meet a social standard.

There are two types of relationships- (vertical-to God) and (horizontal-to man) and the highest form of relationship with man is marriage.

There’s a divine order by which our lives should run. When the Pharisees came to tempt Jesus with the issue of whether to put away one’s wife/divorce, (Matthew 19:1-8) Jesus simply referred them back to the beginning. Every journey after the fall was a journey back to the perfect state we were before the fall at the beginning- Genesis 1&2. Thus, everyone in Christ has the opportunity to go back to the original order.

Genesis 5:22-25- Enoch walked with God and God took him because he had a walk with God. We can have that kind of relationship with God. Your relationship with men will be so much better and meaningful if your relationship with God is intact.

See Genesis 2:15-24, you will know your walk with God has begun when your utterance is “Lord, let your will,not my will be done”.

God gave the man some guiding instructions to help him in the assignment

- God took the man and put him in a location

- Gave Him an assignment

- God gave him a helper to aid in the fulfilment of the assignment

Whatever God does, does not come with restlessness and torment. The kingdom of God is righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Ghost. So, the things of God come with peace and joy. It is only those who can see with the inner eyes that can rightly discern and make the right choices.

UNDER THE DIVINE ORDER, THERE ARE FOUR QUESTIONS YOU MUST ANSWER

- Who to live for? God or satan. See Acts 9:3-5

- Where to live? A place, location

- What to live for? Divine assignment

- Who to live with? Life partner

When your walk with God is in order, everything about you will be in order

THREE MAIN CRITERIA IN THE CHOICE OF A LIFE PARTNER

- Covenant

- Destiny

- Assignment

One major ingredient that makes a relationship worthwhile and expedient;

- Your intimate relationship with God is not optional but expedient. Your relationship with man is not optional but expedient

Love is the major ingredient that makes our relationship with God and man strong and genuine.

- You must grow to walk in love- there are four types of love in the bible- Agape, Phileo, Eros, storge .

- The God kind of love is unconditional it is Agape. 1 Jn. 5:1-3. If you truly love a man, you will share the gospel with him. If you cannot love generally, loving specifically will be difficult. Learn to genuinely love God and men. Owe no man anything but love. (Romans 13: 8).

You can measure your level of maturity by your love walk. Grow in love, walk in love - Those that love the Lord and His word are kept in peace. Psalm 119:165.

Love is God, God is love, love is light. Love is a winner any time, any day.

This generation seems to have the language of love and easily tell one another, "I love you", but they lack the spirit and character of true love as seen in scriptures. Love is patient, it can endure.... See 1st Corinthians 13

You do not love only those that love you or those you can gain from.

Love is the fundamental issue. If a relationship is going to be strong and long-lasting, just love. Let everything you do be done in love.

GODLY COUNSEL 

The fact that you are growing older doesn’t mean you are maturing. When one is growing old, it is normal that there are things that must be avoided or put aside. The level of maturity in a man shows in his preferences. This could be things you are attracted to; your appetite for things should naturally be changing for the better as you grow older. Now, we must understand that growth is something we must be deliberate about, when we are deliberate about it, it naturally brings about maturity.

You must know that maturity is not how old you are, rather it has got to do with your level of your exposure, but this has to do with your choices, decisions and furthermore, how you handle issues. This is important; we must come to understand that growing old is natural, but growing up involves your active participation (your deliberate involvement).

Reading from Genesis 2:15-25, there are many things we can deduce from these verses, which are as follows:

- Verse 20 shows that no animal can take the place of a man

- Animals are not equal to man, this means the root of man is not animals

- Verse 21 shows that as long as you are a hustler, God will not settle you. Therefore, you need to rest in God.

- Marriage is not for boys and girls, but for a man and a woman. It not even between man and man or even woman and woman. (Verse 22 & 24)

- We must learn how to see the inside before the outside, because the outside is confirming what is already inside. (verse 23)

Any man that must be a successful husband or father in future must learn how to be naturally generous, let it become your lifestyle. One of the greatest assets of a man is not his looks but his word. A man’s word is the greatest influence he can have on a woman.

Ladies are attracted to word (so a lady must be careful who she listens to or what she hears), but for a man, he is attracted by looks i.e. what he sees. (So a lady should not ignore her looks, because the ways she looks has a way of making a strong statement to the man and because of this, a man should be careful what he is attracted to, in order to avoid judging wrongly in terms of decision making.

Another asset a man should have is vision, which is more important than his looks, education, material things etc. A man without vision is empty. A man can only find his identity in Christ. (1 Corinthians 11:3). While for the woman, her other asset is character. Just like vision is to the man, character is to a woman. A woman’s character is the mirror through which a man looks at her. So deliberately building her character is a necessity. Note: no man will treat a woman with honour and regard if she doesn’t have character. (Proverbs 31:30-31)

In making a choice of a husband, a woman must not compromise his spiritual state, not just the background because a rich background is not a guarantee neither is a poor background an excuse, but rather, the man’s stand with God. The reason is, the woman needs headship from the man i.e. he is to lead the way, while the man needs respect from the woman (no woman will enjoy a man she doesn’t respect or trust his decisions).

In conclusion, looking back at Genesis 2:23 “…and they were both naked…” this indicates transparency. It’s important to know that where there’s transparency, you will hardly make mistakes, when one is open to those God has placed above his/her life, it will help to avoid unnecessary mistakes. In openness, God is glorified and there’s also safety, while in secrecy, satan is empowered (remember, in the multitude of counsel, there is safety) so, be open always.

DEALING WITH THE FOUR-HARASSMENT, HABIT, PRESSURE, ADDICTION

Sexual harassment- in these times, we will see more and more of this harassment and it’s not limited to only singles. Even married people face it, whether at their work place, school etc. and it is not just limited to females alone, even males face it too. Satan uses it to trade, for promotion, job, education. Know this, don’t be afraid to say no, and don’t be afraid to fail. The fact that you failed a particular course doesn’t mean that’s the end of your life. You are not the first person to fail and watch out, God will vindicate you. It will only be a temporary setback. There’s nobody whoever stood for righteousness that God didn’t fight for. Don’t compromise to pass the exam, get the job etc.

Rev. 12:11  Joseph said no and it drew him closer to the throne.

If I die, I die, they didn’t compromise. Promotion, reward comes from God. That man doesn’t have the final say. Say no to threat, sexual harassment, intimidation and insist on God.

Daniel 3:13- when a man refused to bow or refused to be threatened by threats, the threats give way. Let everyone who needs to know that you are a Christian. Anytime you are bold to say Jesus, God, He takes up the responsibility of vindicating you because He will glorify His name It is not to say that you may not lose the job, the admission or promotion, but it’s just a temporary setback for something greater. When you are ashamed to stand up with God, he will withdraw. When Joseph refused to sleep with Portiphar’s wife, nothing happened to them, he was sent to jail, forgotten but the prison was actually drawing him closer to his destination, the throne. The next immediately response to your saying no may not be palatable but it’s drawing you closer to your destiny. Any one that comes to Him must believe that He is and that He is a rewarder them that diligently seek Him. Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego did not abuse the king in their saying no, they didn’t give a diplomatic answer, and they were very emphatic in their saying no to the king that they will not worship the image he set up. Say it clearly that “I cannot do this”… and if you are sacked, that singular act will become a reference point in your life much later. Joseph stood for righteousness, he took his stand and he didn’t complain. The reason for our stand should be conviction; your point of entrance must be right at all times. Be persuaded that as long as you take your stand for God, you are assured of His backing.

Pressure can come from within and without. You can be under pressure on yourself to have sex, it can come from a group, to either have sex, drink etc. I was in form 2 when I was invited to a joint with some friends. On getting there, they started bringing out alcohol, cigarettes etc from their bags but something on my inside told me if I joined in whatever they were doing I would die. Refuse to bow to pressure. You are not losing anything. This is one of satan’s ploy to derail you out of your destiny. You will be mocked for your stand for righteousness, calling you all kinds of names. Remember Dinah, Jacob’s daughter (Gen. 34: 1 you have been under pressure to go to that pornographic sight, refuse to bow to it or rise above the pressure. The pressure to belong, to be accepted, to meet your inordinate desires, from friends, family, societal, they come at different times and at different seasons in our lives. As long as Dinah was within the confines of her own people, she remained undefiled, but when she went to ‘see’, she never came back the same way she left. Don’t be under pressure to pose etc. pressure make you do foolish things. Refuse to bow to the pressure to conform. You are missing anything by keeping yourself pure. What makes your life count is not what you possess but what you ‘carry’ Daniel proposed in his heart not to defile himself. Dan.1:8. When decision is made, grace is released.

I cor.10:13 you are not the first to be tempted but if you fell, it’s because you chose to.  Sometimes, we are the ones who ourselves under pressure when nobody did that to you. Some of you became a fan of football because you were pressured.

Habits And Addiction could be the same. Habits lead to addiction. It could be Sexual habits, emotional habits, masturbation, borrowing without paying, telling lies, known and unknown habits, and some constant ungodly habits that have become addictions. Know this, whatever it is, you can break free from it, satan will tell you that you cannot break free but it is possible to break free if you choose to. The report you believe will determine the power that will be at work in your life.(Is.53), Rom.6:11-12. If sin is reign in your mortal body, it’s because you allowed it. Sin shall not have dominion over you. It is possible to break free no matter how long.

Phil. 4:13 – whatever you ought to do, you can because you are of Christ and strength has been infused into you. Don’t say you can’t help yourself, you can.

What are the times of vulnerability?

1. a time of loneliness-u start thinking things you ought not to think about
2. time of boredom-u don’t engage in activities you ought to be engaged in
3. times of stress
4. times of disappointment
5. when you are looking for self pity when you feel you should be recognized, appreciated, seeking understanding etc. Moses fell victim to this
6. insecurity
7. complacent
8. life transitions e.g you went to a new place when you knew nobody, moving from one place to another
9. travelling times
10. exposure to wrong materials through the television, internet, bad company, the things you see, hear has the ability to rule your life
11. crisis times- financial, relational, academic etc
12. in times of success- at those times, your guards are dropped. You are however most vulnerable when you are up and when you are down.

What’s the way out?

1. Make up your mind, make a decision. Know that it’s possible to live sin free. Make a consecration. Job 31:1. Believe in your heart that you can make it.
2.  Be transparent. God is light, satan thrives in secrecy. Don’t be quiet about your struggles. Gen.2:25. Speak up, speak out
3. Ask for help from those who could counsel you and pray for and with you.
4.        Ask to be held to strict accountability for daily actions and activity. Amnon was under      pressure to commit fornication because of bad company. B.
5. Make deliberate effort to build genuine relationship based on trust, confidence and accountability.
   1. Maintain a genuine fellowship with God. Don’t lose that daily communion with God.
   2. Don’t be complacent. One way to know whether you are becoming complacent is when godly people and ungodly discussions can take place where you are.
   3. Build healthy, genuine relationship. Gen. 1:26. God couldn’t execute His agenda in isolation.
   4. Expose time bombs in your life. They are unresolved issues, weaknesses, deep insecurity that makes you look to others for approval etc.